Health workers share the stomach-churning DIY medical procedures they've seen patients try.

For a reason we may never comprehend, some people think they know better than medical professionals.

Nah, I don’t need a doctor, they with precisely zero medical knowledge say holding their bleeding wound or half cut off finger.

Don’t trust the people who committed several years of their lives to studying how to fix the human body or anything. What would they know?

It’s this kind of silliness that led to a glorious Reddit thread where doctors, nurses, paramedics and dentists shared the worst wince-worthy DIY medical producers they’ve ever seen on the job.

From super glued teeth and gummy bear fillings to poking knitting needles into bellybuttons, turns out they’ve indeed seen just about everything. You might want to grit your teeth for this, coz it’s gonna hurt.

The completely clueless home remedies.

“I had a dental patient with a dead front tooth that had turned black so she painted it with white nail polish daily.”

“An old lady swore that dog spit had healing properties so she let her dogs lick her feet when she felt it coming on. She then wanted to show me a video of said dogs licking said feet.”

“I work in dental and years ago had a patient attempt to super glue her front tooth back on after it broke in half. She screwed up and ended up gluing the chunk to her upper lip.”

“We had a patient who declined a much needed cleaning saying he could do it just as well a home with a scalpel. Didn’t brush his teeth but every few weeks he would go at the accumulated plaque and tartar with a scalpel.”

The quick fixes that only made things worse.

"A fifty year old man swallowed a chicken bone while eating, and it got stuck down his throat (upper oesophagus). Unable to take it out with his fingers or coughing, he got a fisher hook with a line and tried to rescue the bone with it.  He ended in an emergency department with both the bone and the hook in his oesophagus."

"I am a dental student where we see mouths in pretty awful condition. One guy came into the emergency clinic with teeth half rotted off from decay and told me he has been putting gummy bears in the holes to make it less sharp on his tongue..."

"Adult patient had gas and poked a hole in his belly button with basically a knitting needle to release it."

The genital-related injuries.

"Putting a sex toy up the rectum to better reach another, larger sex toy. The patient "just sat down" on a dildo and couldn't get it back out, so they tried to use another "completely unrelated" dildo to get it out."

"My boss (mother of the child I care for) is a nurse practitioner. I asked her what the worst thing she had witnessed was. She continued on to tell me the story of a man who had stapled his ball sack together and onto his body after “slipping with the razor”. He had it that way for days, metal holding his poor testicles in place, infected and gross as you would expect, before he came to a professional. Later admitted his ex attempted to castrate him. The balls lived."

"In nursing school while I was on clinical rotation in urology, there was a man who ended up having his penis removed. It turned out he had an infection brewing for quite a while and thought the best course of action was placing a sock over his penis in hope that it would heal. He was genuinely confused and upset as to why this didn’t work to heal the issue."

"Had a patient come to the ER for a cough. We did a chest X-ray that caught a little something in the abdomen/pelvis. Did a pelvic X-ray. Long story short she stuck a shot glass up her vagina for “birth control”, left it up there long enough for it to calcify and we had to surgically remove it. Hint. Don’t do this."

"One of my first clinic patients was a dude who was injecting a mixture of testosterone, "human growth hormone," sesame oil, and sunflower oil into the base of his penis as a DIY penile enlargement therapy. Well, it got infected so he ended up going to the ED for incision and drainage."

"Patient used to get boners in class and it embarrassed him so he used rubber bands to prevent it. Ended up killing the tissue in his penis and now he needs a catheter for life."

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The gory stories that'll make you wince.

"Had a patient come into the ER with a makeshift bandage on his shin. He had fallen on rocks while hiking and left a three inch long, half inch deep gash in his leg. I go to pull the bandage off and as I’m peeling it away I notice the skin is completely black and there’s dark chunks of fungus falling out of the wound. I look at this guy like he’s crazy as he tells me the wound is only a few hours old. He’s pretty proud as he explains that he created a makeshift poultice by chewing up leaves and moss, mixing it with river mud and stuffing it into his leg. That’s what all the black mossy stuff was."

"A man was waiting in the ER for treatment. When I finally get to see him and ask him what actually happened, he removes the hat he was wearing and a chunk of skin about the size of my hand literally flaps off of his skull. This guy managed to basically scalp himself, and apparently it had been like that for three days... He had been previously duct taping it down or using the hat to hold the skin on, but it wasn't sticking well and that's when his wife convinced him to come to the hospital."

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