Feeling more alone than ever? A scientist explains why and what could help.

Thanks to our brand partner, Medibank

Many people are feeling lonelier and more disconnected than ever — a harsh but sad fact.

According to Medibank's research with The Growth Distillery, one in four Gen Z and Millennials report feeling loneliness and isolation as an everyday stressor. In particular, the research found that Millennials have the lowest average number of people to turn to for support.

Dr Ali Walker is a human connection scientist who explores the paradox of modern loneliness.

"The definition of loneliness is simply the negative feelings that arise when your experience of connection does not match what you would like to be experiencing. That's all loneliness is," she told Mamamia.

"You can feel lonely at a party, you can feel lonely at a networking event, you can feel lonely sitting at a table having dinner with people, you can feel lonely at work, you can feel lonely sitting next to someone on the couch."

"In fact the most profound experiences of loneliness are in intimate partner relationships."

Different life stages can exacerbate loneliness such as becoming a parent for the first time. "Whenever we change our social identity, it's common to feel lonely as we adjust to the new person we are becoming," she said.

But why is it so prevalent in Gen Z and Millennial generations? "These generations are digital natives. Both of those generations have grown up experiencing technology as a part of their lives in a way that previous generations have not," she said.

"When we have technology as a constant form of connection in our palms, we can trick our brains into thinking we've connected when we actually haven't… it's a fake form of connection, or what I call 'malnourished connection'."

These kinds of surface-level interactions through digital communication lack real emotional closeness.

Dr Walker said this rise in loneliness is also due to a variety of other factors.

"Among Gen Z and Millennial generations, there's often a move away from the traditional nuclear family, an increase in two-working-parent households and a decline in active religious participation in our society… and you've got people moving from regional and rural areas to cities in greater numbers," she said.

"These social changes aren't necessarily negative, but they are some of the underlying reasons why these generations are struggling with loneliness."

Despite being so widespread, Medibank's study with The Growth Distillery found that 60 per cent of adults say loneliness is an issue they feel the least comfortable talking about.

"If you express that you need a physical need met — for example, 'I'm thirsty, I need a drink of water' — no one will judge you for that," she said.

"But when we come to loneliness — even though human connection is our greatest psychological need — we may judge ourselves when we feel lonely."

Dr Walker believes this feeling of shame dates back to when people were organised in tribes. "When we are separated or feel lonely, it's almost like the brain's alarm system being activated. This is associated with shame because we think, 'I must have done something wrong if I am separated from the tribe'."

The increased isolation also comes down to a shift to being more autonomous and less dependent on other people in our daily lives. "In our culture, the way we identify ourselves has moved from being part of a tribe to part of a family to now being the individual. We celebrate self-sufficiency and independence. There is something almost heroic in our culture about the person who doesn't need anyone," she said.

She hopes that more open dialogue about loneliness can destigmatise it. "Every person experiences loneliness from time to time. It's simply your brain's signal to say, 'This isn't right. This isn't how I'm supposed to live. I need to get my needs met'," she said.

But these conversations need to be had. "When we keep quiet about being lonely all that happens is the emotional experience just intensifies and expands," Dr Walker warned.

There are a number of practical strategies that Dr Walker recommends.

To start with, we need to shift our mindset around how we approach our connections, and recognise that friendships are just as important as romantic relationships when it comes to avoiding loneliness.

"If you think of our need for human connection as a pizza with eight slices, your romantic partner is just one slice of that pizza. But we are told in our culture that our partner is the whole pizza," she said.

"Especially as many people are now living longer, we need to actively seek out friendships and show people that we're open [to friendship]."

Then she advises a "four-step process" to help boost social health.

Step 1

"It actually starts with: What do you like to do on your own? Do you like your own company?" she asked.

"Get away from TV, no Netflix — what do you do on your own that gives you a sense of belonging? The first step of belonging is actually belonging to oneself."

Make a list of the activities you love to do, and then create rituals around them. For example, go for a walk to your local café each morning and grab a coffee, or every Saturday head out for an ocean swim, a bike ride or a pilates class.

Step 2

Then we must ensure we're fostering "one-on-one" anchor relationships by being intentional with our time spent with others.

"Every week, we need to have 30 to 60 minutes of meaningful exchange with someone we care about — and who cares about us," she said. "This gives us the opportunity to speak freely and honestly, without judgment."

For those who need professional guidance or support around mental health and wellbeing, Medibank health insurance members can access Medibank's 24/7 Mental Health Support anytime of the day or night, seven days a week.

Step 3

Then Dr Walker encourages a "positive group connection" at least once a week. "We need group connection where we feel included, celebrated and can completely be ourselves," she said.

"These days this group connection is often found in the workplace… We need to start looking at workplaces as being a greater source of belonging, inclusion and social group participation."

Leaders can leverage this social shift, as many people now spend more time with colleagues than with family or friends.

Step 4

"The final stage is collective belonging, which is that sense of belonging we experience when we're out in the world. It's the positive incidental connections you have when you're just going about your day." These are small daily habits we can work into our routines.

"You might experience it when you're ordering your coffee from a barista in a café, you might experience it when you are at the supermarket… whatever it is that you're doing, those incidental connections are extremely important and you can seek them out."

Dr Walker also recommends getting involved in social groups like running clubs or charity work — but only if you're doing an activity that "lights you up". Any time you feel part of something greater than yourself, you're having a collective belonging experience.

Head to Medibank's website to find out more about what they're doing to support mental health.

This information is general in nature and does not replace the advice of a healthcare professional. As with any medical condition, always seek health advice from a qualified healthcare professional.

If you or anyone you know needs to speak with an expert, please contact your GP or in Australia, contact Lifeline (13 11 14), Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800) or Beyond Blue (1300 22 4636), all of which provide trained counsellors you can talk with 24/7.

The Growth Distillery & Medibank, State of Mind: Australia's Mental Health Conversation 2025. Fieldwork conducted across metro and rural/regional areas in all Australian States and Territories, 11-25 February 2025, collecting 2,565 responses.

To the extent permitted by law, MPL excludes all liability for any loss that may be sustained from acting on this information (subject to applicable consumer guarantees).

Feature Image: Getty.

Medibank is committed to improving the mental health of all Australians. Visit medibank.com.au/mental-health for information, support options and tips to have more meaningful mental health conversations.