"The 27 thoughts I had during my first ever facial‏."

Image via iStock.

My world as I knew it was recently rocked to its core. Instead of the cetaphil-based facial rub down I usually treat myself to, I had the chance to get a proper facial of the luxurious variety while in Thailand. It was of course amazing.

But as a facial novice, there were so many things I hadn’t expected to occur. These were the many thoughts that floated through my head as I was subjected to the most relaxing and slightly confusing experience of my life.

1. So do I close my eyes yet?

2. OK her hands are on your face now. Close your eyes. Definitely close your eyes.

3. What the hell is that? Is that a cream or a gel? I don’t even care it feels AMAZING.

4. Oh is that a different thing now? That’s definitely a different thing. Oh I think that feels better than the first thing. I’m pretty sure that smells like avocado and I’m not even mad about it.

5. She seems to have left me for a bit. I’ll just open my eyes briefly to see what that avocado thing was.

6. Nope nope nope she’s back close your eyes close them quickly!

7. Ohhh I get it, a facial's like a face massage. A massage for your face. Like a facage. Which honestly sounds much better than facial. That's a stupid name. Facage. I'm so clever.

8. Ah no did I take off my make up?

9. I definitely didn't take off my make up.

10. She's going to be so mad at me. I really should've taken off my make up.

11. OK stop thinking about the make up. Just enjoy this. She's put at least six more creams/oils/gels/plants on my face since the avocado thing. Focus.

12. Yeah I get why people do this. This is great. There is so much happiness inside of me right now.

13. Oh I feel SO relaxed. So... relaxed.

14. ....

15. ....

16. ....

17. Oh shit I definitely just fell asleep. Shit. Shit.

18. Did she realise? Did I snore? Did I drool? Of course I drooled, I always drool. (Post continues after gallery.)

19. OK it's OK, just keep your face in neutral. Pretend nothing happened. Do. Not. Move.

20. Oh she definitely can't tell. Good work, Dim.

21. Oh my, is that... is she giving me a head massage too?

22. This changes everything. This is the best experience of my life. I will now be getting three facages a day and will own a facage business and will never stop getting facages.

23. No wait no no no don't rub it all off yet with that delightfully warm towel I'm not ready!

24. Maybe if I don't open my eyes she won't make me leave.

25. It's a facage stand off. I will not open my eyes.

26. OK when she explicitly tells you it's over you need to let it go. Let it go.

27. The world is a much brighter place after a facage, both literally and figuratively.

And that was it.

I was forced back to normal life and my facial/facage experience was done. I was both happy that it happened, and devastated it was over.

But mostly I was just busy gloating about my glow-y face and sneaky plait I'd received during the head-massaging portion of the facial.

As a side note, I will shortly be copyrighting facage.

Hands off, thieves.

What's your favourite part about getting a facial?