7 things not to wear to the gym. (Warning: This post is heavy on the sarcasm font.)

By NATALIA HAWK

Let me begin this blog by saying that I give absolutely no shits in regards to what other people wear at the gym.

I have never, ever looked at someone at the gym and thought, “Ugh. Bad fashion choice on your behalf.”

That’s because I’m not looking at other people while I’m at the gym. I’m looking at my thigh muscles (well hidden) while I’m on the leg press machine, wondering if it’s possible for them to spontaneously combust.

I don’t even really care what I wear to the gym. My exercise-clothes drawer contains a wild assortment of lovely Lorna Jane clothes, ill-fitting Nike gear that I picked up for $5 during my old Rebel Sport employee days, and t-shirts from 2006 that shouldn’t even still exist but somehow do anyway.

When it’s time to exercise, I pull out the first thing I can find, check that it doesn’t smell bad and then put it on.

Occasionally this means that I pair a fluro-pink singlet with a blue sports bra and grey marle running tights. But guess what? I’m going running on a treadmill, not sitting in the front row at Fashion Week. COLOUR CO-ORDINATION DOESN’T MATTER.

That said, my easy-going nature seems to put me in a minority group. Because I’ve been noticing some complaints about certain items of clothing at the gym. I asked my friends and the Interwebs about what is an absolute no-no at the gym – and they gave me an entire list of items. An. Entire. List.

Please discuss:

1. Skins without shorts over the top.

Lives are ruined when people wear super-tight pants, apparently. This seems to be similar to the general world rule of leggings-are-not-pants.

I will put my hand up: Guilty of this. So very guilty. But hey, I already need to wear several sports bras. There are only so many layers I can remember…

2. Crop tops without a singlet over the top.

Apparently, going sans-shirt is the fastest way to make everyone think you’re a self-obsessed douchebag.

I don’t personally do it, but I still feel like sticking up for the crop-top-wearing girl that everyone invariably hates. Maybe she just bought a really nice new crop top and wanted to show it off. Maybe she forgot to put her shirt on because she was so excited to get out the door. Maybe she’s a really nice person and doesn’t deserve your hatred. I DON’T KNOW.

3. G-strings.

According to Oprah.com, g-strings put you in danger of getting infected by something they refer to as ‘rectal bacteria’. If that’s not incentive to sacrifice your dignity and just wear undies that give you visible panty line… then I don’t know what is.

4. Ridiculous amounts of make-up.

I understand the anger behind this. Make-up at the gym is unnecessary and will only result in one thing – clogged pores.

Nobody likes a clogged pore.

5. Short-shorts (or tight shorts) for men.

Self-explanatory.

6. Jeans.

Well that’s just impractical and a little bit silly.

7. Those strange shoes with the individual toes.

Nobody understands the benefits behind these shoes. And the wearers are too busy to Google it and find out because they are busy gazing disdainfully in your general direction for not having webbed thingies on your feet.

What should you NOT wear to the gym?