Feel guilty all the time? You’re probably the ‘parentified daughter.’

If you've ever ended a phone call with your mum and felt like you just might be the worst daughter in the world because you said "no", you might be what TikTok is calling the "parentified daughter".

Dr. Nicole LePera, aka @theholisticpsychologist, has gone viral for breaking down this exact scenario. .

Watch: Mamamia Out Loud on turning into our mothers. Post continues after video.

"The parentified daughter's most-felt emotion is guilt," she said in her video.

"I'll give you an example. Last minute, her mum calls and asks her to come over for a family dinner. She already has plans, so she says she can't come over. Her mum sounds disappointed, and might say something like, 'Well, we haven't seen you in a while', or she might start talking about her age and how she won't be around forever.

"After she gets off the phone, she's consumed with guilt, and her nervous system goes into fight or flight. Even though she's had these plans for a while, and her mum called last minute, she almost feels like she has to cancel her plans to please her mum or to avoid the guilt trip that she'll face for taking time to herself.

"This is really a theme for the parentified daughter — she believes it's her role to never upset or disappoint anyone, and she'll rearrange her life over and over again to make sure she fulfils that role, even at the cost of her own well-being."

It's a concept that's hitting home for many daughters.

"I am her, and she is me," read one comment.

"It's like you're talking directly to me; spot on," shared another.

"The hardest part is realising how often a parent can set you up to disappoint you, because they get a kick from seeing you guilt stricken," wrote a third.

So, what exactly is a parentified daughter?

The parentified daughter is someone who, often from a young age, had to take on responsibilities beyond their years — usually because the adults around them leaned on them for emotional support, caregiving, or even decision-making.

"This dynamic can develop in childhood when a parent has limited support from their partner or others. They rely on their child to act in a more adult way by requiring [the child] to support them emotionally or in other ways," shared Sahra O'Doherty, the President of the Australian Association of Psychologists.

"The child may be exposed to adult financial responsibilities or concepts that are beyond their years."

The emotional impacts of being a parentified daughter are, frankly, exhausting. Heightened sensitivity and hypervigilance about emotions are just two — according to the psychologist.

"And feeling overly responsible for meeting the needs or expectations of others, and guilt if you're unable to meet those needs," she added.

Relationships can feel heavy, too, because you're so used to being the "fixer" or the "responsible one". It's hard to let go of that identity, even when it's draining you dry.

Is this more common in the older daughter?

It definitely can be. Older siblings are often thrust into leadership roles by default, but being the "favourite" or "reliable one".

"It's definitely more common in eldest siblings, and can often occur in stereotypically gendered ways, with female children having more caring or domestic responsibilities, and often being expected to emotionally support the parent," shared Sahra.

As for sons — they can absolutely experience parentification, but society tends to cut boys a little more slack when it comes to family expectations.

"It can definitely happen with sons, but because the dynamic is typically gendered, the expectations placed on sons may be different from daughters," she told Mamamia.

So, how do we break the guilt cycle?

First, recognise that guilt is just a feeling, not a fact.

"Guilt, like all emotions, is like a warning signal that something is happening, in this case a bad or unwanted thing," explained Sahra. "Guilt tells us that we have done something wrong and possibly need to make amends.

"When we're experiencing guilt, we first need to determine whether we have actually done something wrong. If not, we can learn to notice and sit with the emotion without giving into the urges that arise from it."

Setting boundaries can be uncomfortable, but it's often necessary.

"It's really hard saying 'no', especially when we're so socialised to say 'yes' in particular circumstances," said the psych. "If we notice our urge to just jump in and say yes, we can first try to buy ourselves some time, think about it, and then gently say no. When saying no, it's important to not over-explain, as this can open the floor up to a negotiation we may not want.

"We may also need to have a little bit of distance, as time and space can help break an ingrained pattern. It's also crucial that we get support through this. Speak to friends or other family members, or if it's been happening for a while and you've been quite distressed by it at times, speak to a psychologist."

And what can parents do?

For parents reading this thinking Oh no, is this me?, you're not a bad parent if you've leaned on your child during tough times. It's very human. But there are things to keep in mind.

"As parents, we need to demonstrate to our kids that we are responsible for our emotional needs, as well as looking after theirs," said Sahra.

"When we take responsibility for ourselves and our needs, we are showing our kids that it's okay to take time out for ourselves, to seek help when needed, and to problem solve or find solutions to life's challenges. This is often really hard when we ourselves have experienced difficulties in our own childhoods."

The psychologist stressed the importance of "noticing how we speak to our children".

"If we call them 'my best friend' or use language that puts them on the same level as us, then we may inadvertently create a dynamic where we're expecting too much maturity from them when they're not ready for this, blurring the boundaries between parent/child and equals," she said.

Feature Image: Walt Disney Pictures