'The menopause symptoms no one warned me about.'

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I think as we near midlife, most women have an idea of some of the symptoms they might face when they reach what my mother and women of her era in hushed tones called 'The Change of Life' (I even feel like I should whisper when I say that!).

Luckily, women now have a lot more information at their fingertips than my mum did.

I was aware of the more common symptoms of menopause I may experience, like memory loss, hot flushes (or what I describe as having my own temperature zone!), insomnia, feeling easily emotional and hair loss, but there was one thing I was never prepared for and that was how drastically it would diminish my libido.

Watch: We discuss women's reproductive health on Mamamia's health podcast, Well. Post continues below.

However, something that had a far greater impact on my life, was that the once pleasurable experience of having sex and being intimate with my partner would become excruciatingly painful for me.

If I had to put into words the pain I experience during the act of intercourse, the only way I could describe it was that I feel like I am being pierced internally with shards of glass. Sometimes, there would even be a bit of blood loss as a result too, as well as discomfort for some time after.

Honestly, after a period of time, I began to think there was something seriously wrong with me. I felt awful pushing my partner away, but it was truly such a painful experience that I couldn't relax and enjoy it anyway, knowing the pain I would experience as a result.

This not only caused me physical but emotional pain, as it impacted my personal relationship with my partner and put a strain on our once close and intimate union.

After a while, I knew that I had to go the GP and see if I could find out what was happening and hopefully be able to resolve the issue. I was then referred on to a gynaecologist and was informed that as a result of going through menopause and my decreasing oestrogen levels, this caused vaginal dryness and also that my vaginal wall was thinning, which was resulting in the pain I was experiencing with sex.

I think the doctor may have even used the term 'vaginal atrophy' . FFS, I felt like a shrivelled, dried up prune when she said that!

'So is there anything I can do about it', I asked her? She advised me that there were two options I could try, but there were no guarantees with either of them and each would take time to see if it could help reduce my pain and discomfort.

Listen: On Mamamia's health podcast, Well, a GP answers all your questions about your vulva and vagina, post continues below.

The first was trying to increase my oestrogen levels by inserting a cream vaginally every night for a couple of months. The second was a type of laser therapy to treat symptoms of vaginal atrophy and is meant to revitalise your vaginal tissue.

However, it did have side effects and also had to be repeated, as the effects of the treatment were not permanent. Added to that, it was quite expensive and not covered by either Medicare or private health funds.

'Okay, let's go for option one', I told the doctor. I was willing to try this but after three months of no change, plus the added process of having to stick a foreign object inside me every night, I realised that this was not going to be a successful option for me. The second option – well no, I'm sorry, I just couldn't face it – the thought of having my bits lasered was just too invasive for me to go through.

The interesting thing, though, was that out of the blue, and I'm not even sure how the subject was raised, two girlfriends of a similar age shared with me that they were experiencing exactly the same symptoms that I was.

Sex was so painful for them that they just couldn't face it and it was affecting their personal relationships. I felt so sad for them but at the same time relieved that it wasn't just me.

However, it also made me realise that as women it is something that we should know and also talk about. We haven't done anything wrong and we shouldn't be ashamed or embarrassed by it.

This is not the end of our story, however, as about 12 months ago my partner was diagnosed with prostate cancer and needed to undergo a radical prostatectomy. It was obviously a very worrying time, but also brought us closer together again, as we held each other through the process.

Unfortunately, although the cancer was eradicated, the procedure affected his ability to gain and maintain an erection amongst other difficult side effects for him. As we age we change, both men and women, it's just a fact of life, but being informed and relieving ourselves of that shame and embarrassment is a vital step in our journey.

The act of intimacy is so important in a relationship and there are obviously different ways of sharing this and experiencing pleasure, so from my glass half-full outlook on life, it can be a time to explore together and get creative!

Even though we may not have control over these experiences or events in our lives, we do have the power of how we choose to perceive them. If we always look for the negative in a situation, then that is what we will most likely experience, but there are always things to cherish and be grateful for in our lives and relationships, it's just up to us to see them.

I hope by my sharing my story, that others don't feel so alone and that we can expand and keep the conversations going about such important topics like this.

Suzie De Jonge is the author of Musings of a Menopausal, Insomniac, Crazy Dog Lady.

Feature Image: Supplied.

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