Sick of pads and tampons? Now you can glue your vaginal lips shut.

Have you ever gone to the bathroom during your period, unwrapped a pad or tampon and thought, “Why don’t women just stick their vagina lips together during this time of the month with an easy to use vagina lipstick?”

Yes. Well, me neither.

That is not something I have ever, ever thought.

But a man named Dr Daniel Dobbs felt that current sanitary items were a little inconvenient. So he went ahead and developed a solution to a problem that most definitely does not exist.

Introducing ‘Mensez’ lipstick glue.

‘Vagina lipstick’, if you will.

Mia Freedman, Monique Bowley and Jessie Stephens discuss vagina lipstick on Mamamia Out Loud.

Dobbs says the vagina is a “self-cleaning shower drain,” which a) sounds gross and b) doesn’t explain why we’re meant to be gluing our vaginas shut.

The glue is applied to the labia minora, causing them to close shut, which holds the menstrual blood inside the vagina.

His um, ‘vision’, is that they “cling together in a manner strong enough to retain menstrual fluid…” and then when the woman urinates, the glue unsticks.

Dr Dobbs also instructs that it should be first applied the day before your period begins, which further confirms that he knows precisely nothing about periods. I am literally surprised 12 months of the year.

BUT WHY IS THIS A THING? HOW DID ANYONE EVER APPROVE OF THIS IDEA?

Sorry. I just feel like there are issues with Dobbs’ invention.

In 2017, there’s a reason no one has ever thought of this. And it’s because it’s a sh*t idea. 

For starters, and I think this really needs to be reiterated, the vagina hole and the urethra are two different holes. In different places. That do different things.

I repeat: Urine does not come out of the vagina.

Furthermore, here are my questions:

1. What if your vagina sweats? Does that unstick the glue?
2. How strong is the glue?
3. I don’t… believe you. (Not a question just a statement.)
4. What if there’s too much blood? Can it burst?
5. But… why?
6. WHAT IF IT DOESN’T UNSTICK?
7. What about women with small vaginal lips? How will that work?
8. Also, no.

I apologise for my negativity I’m just confronted.

Just because you glue your labia shut doesn't mean your period didn't happen. 

Dobbs told Forbes, "It makes more sense than putting the plug up there... we're using the vagina like a bladder just like tampons do." It doesn't matter how many times you read that, it will not make sense.

It potentially makes less sense than sticking your vag lips together.

But we shouldn't be too hard on Dr. Dobbs. He did have this to say about his invention, in response to a woman who wasn't too keen on the idea:

"Yes, I am a man and you as a woman, should have come up with a better solution than diapers and plugs, but you didn't. Reason being (sic) women are focused on and distracted by your period 25% of the time, making them far less productive than they could be. Women tend to me far more creative than men, but their periods that stifle them and play with their heads."

Oh, um. Cool.

As a side note, you know what's unproductive? Getting a PATENT for vagina lipstick. 

The product will be released some time in 2017.

You can listen to the full episode of Mamamia Out Loud, here. 

Check out all our podcasts and any books mentioned in any of our shows at apple.co/mamamia.