'When I got a stoma at 27, it changed my sex life forever. But not in the way you think.'

After almost two years of debilitating symptoms, Rhiannon was diagnosed with Crohn's disease at 18 — a type of chronic inflammatory bowel disease (IBD).

"Now, at 30, I can really say I've been through it all — thanks to this s**t of a disease," Rhiannon told Mamamia.

"I've spent almost half of my life trying new treatments, getting into remission, having colonoscopies and numerous other tests, to then falling sick and flaring up, and landing myself in hospital time and time again."

And that's exactly where Rhiannon landed in 2022.

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Days after a routine appointment with her gastroenterologist, Rhiannon was wheeled off to the theatre to have her bowel removed. The mother-of-two woke up with a stoma bag attached to her stomach.

A stoma is an opening in the abdomen that connects to the digestive system or urinary system, allowing waste to bypass the normal route out of the body. The stoma bag then collects the waste.

"My colectomy happened so fast, and I really had no time to prepare for it or even really process it," Rhiannon said.

"I had a really tough recovery in hospital. And to this day, I am still recovering."

The mother-of-two likened leaving the hospital with a stoma bag to "leaving the hospital with your first baby".

"You have no idea what you're doing, and you feel like you've been chucked into the deep end."

At the time, her children were three and seven months old, and Rhiannon had to learn "a whole new way of living" while balancing motherhood.

"Looking down at your stomach and seeing a bag of poo attached to your stomach can be really confronting. But my confidence grew as I adjusted to my new normal."

Embracing a new body image, however, is no easy feat, as clinical psychologist Phoebe Rogers knows all too well.

"There may be the urge to hide your stoma and hold back physically and emotionally if in a relationship, or to avoid social situations, outings, experiences, or dates," the psychologist told Mamamia.

"Confidence can build from sharing your body and stoma (at your pace) with a loving partner."

Rhiannon has certainly shared her experience with her husband, who always knew a stoma bag could be his wife's reality. Though, perhaps not as soon as 27.

During the adjustment period, the couple figured out how to tackle intimacy. The practical solutions were easy — simply empty the bag and velcro it out of the way before sex.

"Out of sight, out of mind," said Rhiannon.

In fact, according to Rogers, one of the biggest misconceptions about stomas is that the "sex is always impacted".

"The literature shows that individuals with stomas have very different responses and issues depending on gender, surgery and so on," the psychologist told Mamamia.

"There are differences in desire for sex — there isn't a one-size-fits-all approach; that's why we need to meet the individual person where they're at and empower them to find an approach to sex and intimacy that works for them."

Physically, having the stoma bag actually improved Rhiannon's sex life; she was finally free of that "toxic organ" which was draining her on a daily basis.

"For a long time before it, I was just so unwell," she explained. "Getting intimate when you have chronic diarrhoea or bloating is the last thing you feel like doing."

Mentally, however, intimacy has been a different story.

"Many would think that tough times bring a couple closer, but that couldn't be any further from the truth for us," Rhiannon said.

"The stoma bag itself is not at fault at all, but what feels like a never ending physical and mental healing and recovery process really has been tough on our marriage.

"Intimacy is one of the many important things that makes a marriage, so without it, you can really start to feel a disconnect. But we know it's just a season and tough seasons aren't forever — although healing from proctectomy surgery does feel that way."

The important thing, says Rogers, is communication.

"Share feelings of vulnerability, fear, worry and insecurity, and offer each other a safe space to listen and be heard," she said. "It could be about talking about each others' fears, worries and insecurities in sex, about pain, or body image worries that come up, and talking about what may work in an open-minded and non-judgmental way."

It's an approach that Rhiannon has certainly adopted, and encourages couples in similar situations to do the same.

"I guess you could say stomas and the surgeries that come with them aren't exactly common knowledge. The more open and honest you are, the better it is for all," she said.

Having had another surgery 18 months ago, Rhiannon now feels like she's "just coming up for air", but she still wouldn't change her stoma for anything.

"I didn't know how sick I was until I had one, and it's something I'll forever be grateful for.

"Something this journey has taught me is that healing comes and goes in waves, and it's easier to put a timeline on your physical recovery, but not on your mental healing.

"[My husband and I] will always ride the wave together."

If you feel you could be struggling with anything mentioned in the article, or would like more information please head to Crohn's and Colitis Australia.

Feature Image: Supplied