'I'm living a double life. No one I know can find out my secret.'

If you want to support independent women's media, become a Mamamia subscriber. Get an all-access pass to everything we make, including exclusive podcasts, articles, videos and our exercise app, MOVE.

There are the parts of our lives we show to the world, and then there are the parts we keep hidden.

For more of us, that might be a guilty-pleasure television show, or a sweet treat we promised we wouldn't have. Perhaps a diary of secret desires. For other women, though, it's something more.

They live their everyday lives. They go to work, spend time with friends, run errands. But then, behind a private screen and a different name, an alter ego comes to life — one that is freer, braver, and bolder. But no one can ever know. Because that secrecy is what makes these alternate identities both thrilling and risky.

It's more than that, though. The second life is empowering. But it's also fragile and could unravel with a single screenshot or a curious friend stumbling across the wrong account.

Listen to Mamamia Out Loud, Mamamia's podcast with what women are talking about this week. Post continues below.

For Lena*, that secret self exists on OnlyFans.

"I've been doing some form of adult work for years," Lena explained. "I was a cam girl on a few overseas sites before finding out that OnlyFans even existed around COVID time.

On OnlyFans, Lena becomes someone else: playful, teasing, powerful.

"When I post as her, I feel sexy and desired. There's so much free content out there, but people are paying to see me."

That persona is a performance, but it's one she enjoys.

"I get to pretend and do roleplay on a daily basis and I love that freedom to be someone else or dress up in all different outfits," she said.

Her subscribers see only that side of her, the alter ego that flirts and performs. Offline, she is careful to keep things separate.

"My clients sometimes find my personal socials and want to be part of that world, but I prefer to keep them separate," she said.

Lena says she's especially careful to prevent her siblings or parents from finding out, but she knows it's a real possibility. The daily risk is worth it though, she says, because doing so has seen her confidence soar.

"I think the surprising thing I've learnt is that body shape, size and age really don't factor as much into sexual desirability as confidence does. Embracing who you are — that's what people respond to," she said.

Lena believes holding different versions of herself is natural, and says everyone is doing it in one way or another.

"I believe we are different personalities in all areas of our life. Who we are at work isn't always who we are at home. I think it's very healthy to be able to express ourselves in broad ways," she said.

For Maya*, her secret persona is found in an entirely different world: online gaming.

"My gaming persona is bold, cheeky, and a little larger than life," she said. "In everyday life I'm still confident, but more grounded and calm."

It started as an experiment, a way to safely explore parts of herself that felt too risky offline.

"It gave me freedom to play, connect, and express parts of me I couldn't always show, but ultimately, I'm the same person — just with a different name," Maya explained.

For Maya, logging in feels like slipping into a costume.

"It's exciting. I get to leave behind everyday stress and lean into the fun of that persona," she said.

Maya says things I might hold back in person, and it feels empowering to "let that part of me out."

Online, she's braver, flirtier, and unapologetically powerful.

"It lets me be playful, flirty, and powerful without judgement. It's a space where I don't have to tone myself down," she said.

Over time, that confidence has bled into her real life.

"I've realised confidence doesn't have to stay online. I can bring more of it into my everyday life too. It's allowed me to redefine what I want to achieve in both personal and professional senses," she said.

And while balancing different sides of herself can feel tricky, Maya doesn't see her persona as fake.

"Both are genuine parts of me and nothing is a fabrication," she explained.

Her alter ego has also opened unexpected doors. "It's connected me to people all over the world and even created opportunities in my work that I might never have found otherwise."

Why women create alter egos.

Psychologist Phoebe Rogers says it's not unusual for women to create these hidden identities.

"There are so many reasons people do this," she explained. "For some, it's about escape. They can avoid the boredom, sadness or rejection of their own lives and get a temporary rush. They may feel desired, distracted, empowered, or able to enact fantasies real life doesn't allow."

Rogers recalls a friend in her twenties who built a fake dating profile after being rejected.

"She felt hurt and wronged, and her way of coping was to string this guy along, then ghost him. It wasn't healthy, but it gave her a sense of control and helped her feel special again, even if temporarily," she said.

Like Lena, that friend wasn't simply deceiving for the sake of it, she was searching for empowerment in a moment of powerlessness.

"For others, the motivation can be deeper," Rogers explained. "It could be cultural, religious, family or societal restrictions. Many women feel trapped by their circumstances, and creating an alter ego online gives them a safe way to explore without shame."

The power of secrecy.

But the secrecy involved in having another persona, even if it is only online, can also be potentially damaging, explained Rogers.

"Often, where there is secrecy, there is shame," she said. "The behaviour might not be accepted, or supported.

"For women especially, there's so much judgment when we step outside the boxes society puts us in — so secrecy becomes protective. Sometimes it's about survival of these parts of ourselves."

Sometimes that secrecy is thrilling. Other times, it's protective, a line that ensures one identity won't destroy the other. But it's also what keeps many women up at night. What if the wrong person finds out?

The freedom of an alter ego can feel intoxicating, but Rogers says it's not without consequences.

"The pros can be self-exploration, empowerment, independence, even creativity. But the risks are real too — safety concerns, the cost of betrayal in relationships, or becoming addicted to that escape. Sometimes the behaviour points to deeper issues that might need therapy or healing," she said.

Whether it's Lena's confident, paying audience on OnlyFans, or the use of a fake dating profile to regain control, these stories point to the same truth: there are parts of ourselves we don't always feel safe to show.

And for some women, it's the only way to live out the parts of themselves that the world refuses to accept.

*Names have been changed to protect identities.

Feature Image: Getty. (Stock image for illustrative purposes only).