'I had two miscarriages at work. I presented on stage like nothing had happened.'

Although Rachel grew up dreaming of a family of her own, when she started her career in marketing and e-commerce, her laser-focus left her wondering if marriage and children would ever be in the cards. 

But then, she met her husband, and soon after they married, decided to try for a baby. The following year, their daughter was born, and Rachel embraced the concept of balancing family and career with an entirely positive mindset. 

"I think the best way to manage work and motherhood is to just tackle it head-on," says Rachel. 

Watch: Well: Three men experience women's pain. Article continues after the video.

"There's never going to be a perfect day, a perfect time, or a perfect situation to get everything done — you just have to dive in and juggle it the best you can."

They managed the juggle so well that the couple decided to try for another child. Rachel fell pregnant, but this time, things didn't go so smoothly. 

"I had just landed in New Zealand when I started experiencing crippling pain and bleeding. I had never been through a miscarriage before, so I wasn't sure what was happening, but deep down, I had a feeling.

"This was one of the hardest times in my life. I was completely alone, away from my family."

That night, Rachel had a work presentation, but instead of cancelling, she pushed her pain away. 

"I had to get up on stage, so I pulled myself together, got ready, and did what I had to do. I pushed through, but the pain was unlike anything I had ever experienced.

"I felt this overwhelming sense of obligation. Money had been invested into the trip, people were there specifically for the meetings, and they were expecting to hear the presentation. So, despite everything, I pushed through. At that moment, I wasn't thinking about myself — I was just trying to show up, do what needed to be done, and not be seen as vulnerable.

"The next morning, I caught the first flight home. As soon as I landed, I went straight from the airport to my doctor, where an ultrasound confirmed what I already knew in my heart — I had lost the baby."

Listen to this No Filter episode on coping with pregnancy loss here. Post continues below.

As Rachel walked out of the appointment, devastated by the loss of her baby, her work phone rang. She answered it as though nothing had happened. 

"I pushed every bit of grief, every emotion, deep down and just threw myself into work. It was my way of coping — I didn't know how else to deal with it at the time. Looking back, I realise I wasn't really coping at all, just surviving the only way I knew how."

After the first miscarriage, Rachel went on to have four more. One on her 40th birthday, prompting her to cancel her party, and another on Mother's Day - she couldn't even leave the house. But when it came to a second miscarriage at work, Rachel soldiered on. 

"My second miscarriage happened while I was in America for work. I had flown in with my family because, after the conference, we planned to visit New York. But things took an unexpected turn.

When Rachel and her family landed in the US, a hurricane hit, and they were locked down in the hotel. While they were stuck inside, she started bleeding. 

"I called the local hospital, and they told me to come in immediately. When I got there, they said it looked like I was starting to miscarry and wanted to keep me in for a few days. 

"But with the hurricane moving on, the work conference was starting, and I didn't want anyone to know what was happening. So, I made a promise to the hospital — I would go to the conference all day and check myself in at night for monitoring.

"I ended up losing the baby, missed a couple of days of the conference, and had to have a D&C in an American hospital. 

"After it was all over, I told everyone I was just sick."

All the while, Rachel was also enduring the gruelling process of IVF and trying to maintain the facade of wilfully climbing the corporate ladder at the same time. 

"Struggling to conceive had a huge mental impact on me," she says. 

"For years, I pushed it aside, buried it deep, and just kept moving forward because I didn't want people to see me struggling. I didn't want to appear vulnerable — I saw it as a sign of weakness."

Despite what she was going through, Rachel never disclosed her struggles with her employers. 

"At the time, I was still building my career, working in a male-dominated space, and I just didn't feel comfortable sharing it. There's this pressure to prove that you can do it all — career, family, everything. 

"I didn't want anyone to look at me differently or think that I couldn't handle my job because of what I was going through. For me, keeping it private was a way to protect both my career and my own sense of strength during that time."

But the pressures of infertility and miscarriage, combined with a high-pressure career took a toll. 

"At times, it made me feel completely numb — like I was just going through the motions. Looking back, I realise how much I had to disconnect just to keep going."

Rachel has chosen to speak out now to break the stigma and encourage other women — and men — to talk about their struggles. 

"There needs to be more understanding when it comes to fertility. It's often seen as solely a woman's issue, but it's actually a shared responsibility. 

"There's also so much societal pressure on women — especially working women — to act like it's just another hurdle to overcome, when, in reality, it's a deeply emotional and physical journey."

After all the heartache, Rachel and her husband decided to give it one more shot. 

"We threw everything at it. We worked closely with our fertility specialist, both of us, on all sorts of supplements, including Ubiquinol (which supports mitochondrial health), which I truly believe played a huge role in changing our story. And that final attempt worked.

"Now, I have a three-year-old on my lap, in the middle of toilet training, and my heart is so full. The journey wasn't easy, but looking at them now, I know it was all worth it.

"I hope that by sharing my story, even just one person feels a little less alone."

Feature image: Getty.