An expert shares the real reason we keep our personal battles private.

Thanks to our brand partner, Medibank

We all have moments when life feels like a lot — but instead of speaking up, many of us choose to keep those struggles to ourselves.

Even when we do understand the importance of opening up, actually doing it is another story. In fact, Medibank's latest research with The Growth Distillery shows that more than half of the 2,565 Australians surveyed wanted to reach out and talk about their mental health, but didn't.

Why? Well, there's a lot to unpack. Mamamia spoke to Alison Sutton, a psychologist with Medibank, to get to the root of the troubling reluctance to seek help when it's needed most.

"As much as there has been a lot of work to reduce mental health stigma, there's still stigma out there," Sutton observed. "People can fear being judged or being seen as unstable or weak. They can feel like they're failing or embarrassed that they are not coping and that can stop them from reaching out for help at all."

But alongside the struggles of grappling with a wider social stigma that can come with a mental health diagnosis may also be the fear of being an "emotional burden" to those around them.

"Part of that can be a belief that everyone has their own problems — they don't need to be bothered with mine," Sutton said. "People may think, 'I don't want my loved ones to worry about me' and that may also be because they're minimising or denying their own problem to themselves. That makes it difficult to start seeking help."

Feeling like an emotional burden is a familiar experience, and it's something Sutton has noticed throughout her more than 20 years practising psychology.

"If I had to put it into my own words, it's that deep inner feeling that most of us have had at some point — that your needs, your struggle is just too much for someone else to handle."

Examples of the thought patterns that go alongside feeling like an emotional burden can be "I don't want to bother anyone else", "it's not even really that bad", "other people have their own problems to worry about" or even "I'm a failure for not being able to cope with this".

A reluctance to seek help for fear of becoming an emotional burden is prevalent in all age groups according to Medibank's latest research with The Growth Distillery, but Sutton said she sees it particularly in older generations.

"With parents and caregivers generally, we often don't see people seek help until things are quite dire. Parents don't want to burden children with their issues."

Another susceptible group is postpartum mothers, who Sutton said are a profound example of the line of thinking that suggests someone struggling with their mental health should just be able to push through. Sutton pointed out that there's a "whole perception that you need to be strong as a new mother, which is toxic and damaging. There's a perception that it should be the best time of your life".

These conversations are particularly important, Sutton said, because failing to seek help for mental health concerns can have long-term impacts.

"If someone doesn't seek help, then things may get worse over time," she said. "Symptoms get worse, the person withdraws, becomes more isolated and it impacts their functioning in other areas."

Conversely, the benefits of reaching out early — to a friend, family member or professional — are obvious and well documented.

Sutton's takeaway message is that nobody should be afraid to reach out for mental health support.

"Speaking about mental health can be really daunting, but if you can reach out despite that, it can be one of the most healing things you can do for yourself."

Medibank is committed to supporting their health insurance members by offering 24/7 Mental Health Support where members can discuss any mental health questions over the phone or online with a mental health professional.

Sutton also recommended choosing someone you feel comfortable and safe with. A personal choice could be anyone you know regardless of how close you have been in the past.

"We often assume it should be a family member, but it doesn't have to be — family might not actually be a good fit depending on the dynamic," Sutton said. "It's much more important to choose someone you feel comfortable and safe with and who is a good listener."

"You can start small. You don't have to tell them everything. Tell the story in a way that feels comfortable to you — there's no need to use clinical terms or start at 'the beginning'; it's your story, you tell it in the way that you choose."

There is always a chance that someone you choose to confide in won't react the way you expect, and Sutton said that's just part of the process. "It's important to prepare for different reactions and know that someone else's reaction is usually not about you — it's more likely about their discomfort with the content or emotion. If that does happen, don't let it deter you — find someone else that you trust to reach out to and remember that reaching out for support is a strength in itself."

And the most important thing to remember? "Seeking help is a sign of strength and courage, not weakness. Every single conversation you have contributes to your mental well being."

Head to Medibank's website to find out more about what they're doing to support mental health.

This information is general in nature and does not replace the advice of a healthcare professional. As with any medical condition, always seek health advice from a qualified healthcare professional.

If you or anyone you know needs to speak with an expert, please contact your GP or in Australia, contact Lifeline (13 11 14), Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800) or Beyond Blue (1300 22 4636), all of which provide trained counsellors you can talk with 24/7.

The Growth Distillery & Medibank, State of Mind: Australia's Mental Health Conversation 2025. Fieldwork conducted across metro and rural/regional areas in all Australian States and Territories, 11-25 February 2025, collecting 2,565 responses.

To the extent permitted by law, MPL excludes all liability for any loss that may be sustained from acting on this information (subject to applicable consumer guarantees).

Feature Image: Getty.

Medibank is committed to improving the mental health of all Australians. Visit medibank.com.au/mental-health for information, support options and tips to have more meaningful mental health conversations.