'I'm another "ADHD at 40" cliché. Here's what I wish people would stop saying.'

I am about to turn 42 next week, and I was diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year.

Being another "ADHD at 40" cliché, at first I felt like I needed to hide it. Not because ADHD is anything to feel shame about. More like I was worried of being accused it's a bandwagon I have jumped on. Like I'm trying to be a part of a trend.

And I've heard it all.

"Oh, they dish out meds to anyone these days."

"Oh no, you just can't concentrate when you don't want to do something."

"Have you thought about changing your diet?"

"But it's not something you can really test, is it, so how do you really know?"

Well, I don't know as much as the psychiatrist who diagnosed me, obviously. But what I can tell you about is my experience.

What Inattentive ADHD actually feels like.

My diagnosis is Inattentive ADHD, a type of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder that mainly involves difficulties with attention, focus, organisation and memory, rather than hyperactivity.

It's not that I want to be bad at life admin, following street directions, booking flights with multiple stop-overs and time zones, or choosing a phone plan. It's that when I am doing those things, the only way I can describe it is my brain feels overwhelmed.

There is fog and noise and silence all at once. And I feel like crying.

I know I am clever in many ways, but I could never understand why tasks other people seem to find so simple set me on the verge of tears.

Watch: The reason why ADHD diagnoses are rising in adult women. Post continues below.

The signs were always there.

I have always been dopamine-seeking. I have an addictive personality. I partake in high-risk behaviour. I was always told I was "too much". I have always lost keys and phones.

Even if I could have a nice car, I wouldn't because I am constantly swiping it. Parallel parking is difficult. The thought of small talk makes me want to crawl into a hole and die. But if you want to exchange life stories and trauma in the first 30 seconds of meeting me, I'm all yours.

I was 24 when I met my ex-husband. I had a warrant out for my arrest for unpaid tram fines and I had signed up to a credit card shark loan that was charging 20% interest. To put it simply, I was a financial mess.

Pretty much from the start, I abandoned all the life admin in the relationship. Bills were not in my name, I didn't fill out paperwork, didn't choose insurance or decide when and how they were taken care of.

I was terrible at it, and I took care of the domestic side of things. It just worked because it was a case of divide and conquer.

So, when I became single at 38 and all of a sudden, I found myself driving around in an uninsured, unregistered car, not being able to understand the different rates and plans for energy providers, not getting my tax done, and struggling to stick to a very lean budget.

I thought that it was just because I hadn't really had a chance to be a proper, independent grown-up within that relationship, but in hindsight, I can see it started much earlier.

I was a class clown and talked too much and was told to stop distracting people in school. My dad has told me that to get me to complete assignments or study, he pretty much had to nail me to a desk, and even then I would find myself day-dreaming, feeling the need to reorganise my wardrobe whilst making a mixtape.

It took me many years to be able to not jump head first into a conflict, to learn to not say everything I thought out loud, or to understand and have empathy for other people's boundaries.

It was my girlfriend, who has multiple children with ADHD, that brought it up with me. I was saying I couldn't understand why I couldn't be a fully functioning adult. And she sent me the details of a psychiatrist.

Listen: We unpack the three types of ADHD on the Well podcast. Post continues below.

The relief of finally understanding myself.

When I started taking medication for my ADHD, it was like the thousand tabs in my brain went down to only a few.

I could focus and complete one task without rearranging the Tupperware cupboard and organising a social gathering whilst simultaneously creating a new playlist on Spotify.

For the first time in my life, I could sit through a meeting without my mind wandering to seventeen different topics. I could finish tasks without getting distracted by a notification, then forgetting what I was reading about. I could have a conversation without interrupting or losing track of what the other person was saying.

I've set up calendar reminders to pay my insurance and rego in advance, as it still doesn't happen straight away. But I am not driving around in an uninsured and unregistered car. I can now tackle my life admin without having a complete meltdown.

The relief was overwhelming — I am not stupid or lazy, or intentionally disruptive; it's just that my brain is wired differently.

The unexpected gifts of an ADHD brain.

Because my brain is wired differently, it allows me to think creatively. I have divergent thinking and rapid idea generation abilities.

When I am passionate about something, I'm like a dog with a bone. I could write, deliver TED Talks whilst cutting a TikTok video on it. My insufferability has become something I'm proud of, not shameful of.

Fortunately, I have been able to forge a career out of it. And now that I am able to properly focus, I have never felt more confident and competent in my work.

I can harness my hyper focus when I'm passionate about a project, and I can properly structure my day and time effectively.

Why are so many women getting diagnosed later in life?

So, why the trope of so many women like me all of a sudden getting diagnosed with ADHD in our thirties and forties?

Experts agree girls are less likely to be diagnosed than boys, given they are far less likely to be jumping off the walls (not a clinical term!). Thus, the prevalence of ADHD in women is largely under-recognised.

"It's now thought that a significant part of the difference in diagnosis rates (which have traditionally shown these to be conditions that primarily affect boys and men) comes down to the fact that these conditions don't present exactly the same in men and women, alongside stereotypes having sidetracked medicine from picking these up in girls early on," psychiatry resident Dr Kieran Kennedy told Mamamia.

Adult psychiatrist Dr Peter Hoey added, "In general, women tend to be better socialised and more compliant than men; they are groomed more to fit in than stand out. It's more common than for women to 'fly under the radar' and simply not be noticed as having problems early on, and later on."

What I'd tell my younger self.

If I could go back and tell my 20-year-old self anything, it would be this: you're not broken, you're not lazy, and you're not "too much". Your brain just works differently, and it will serve you once you learn how to harness it.

I'd tell her to seek help sooner, to not be ashamed of needing support, and to stop trying so hard to fit into a box she's too sparkly for anyway.

I'd tell her that the things that make her different — her creativity, her passion, her ability to think outside the lines — are actually her greatest strengths.

Practical tips for managing ADHD.

For anyone reading this who recognises themselves in my story, here are some game-changers I've discovered:

Technology is your friend: ChatGPT is brilliant for breaking down complex tasks like understanding phone and electricity plans, or giving you step-by-step instructions for anything that feels overwhelming.

Calendar reminders are essential: set them for everything, not just appointments.

Break big tasks into tiny steps: instead of "do tax return", try "find tax documents", then "open tax software", then "enter first section".

Embrace your hyper focus: When you're in the zone, ride that wave.

Finally, if it feels like you are reading your own life story right now, or you can see your daughter's story in mine, seek help.

There's no shame in getting a diagnosis later in life. In fact, there's incredible relief in finally understanding yourself.

You're not jumping on a bandwagon. You're not seeking attention. You're seeking answers to questions you've been asking your whole life about why certain things feel so impossibly hard.

And those answers are worth finding.

Feature Image: Supplied.