'How I've learnt to parent daughters who are nothing like each other.'

I am the mother of an 18-year-old who is currently completing her VCE (the HSC equivalent in VIC) and I have a 20-year-old daughter who is studying PR at university. So I have been on this final-year-exams ride once before – but nothing about it prepared me for this time.

My girls are so very different that I have had to parent and approach all things VCE in completely different ways. This has challenged, frustrated and bamboozled me.

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I believe birth order has so much to do with how they approach this time in their life. The first child seems to require more of our time and the second born seems to watch and learn how they want to do it. This has certainly been the case for VCE.

I knew that Child One would be in meltdown central from about week two of term one. Tick!

We talked about everything. She wanted to discuss the finer points of every subject. I was invited to a parent day lecture in literature. I learnt to not defend the teachers too much and to always see her side before playing the devil's advocate.

Tears were plentiful, and at times my husband was scared for his life. His travel for work increased during this year. Hmm...

Year 12 with Child One led us to coin the phrase “dumpster face”. It's the face they get when they decide they are going to fail an exam, which leads to failing at life, which leads to being unemployed forever, which ultimately leads to living in a dumpster.

The transition from “normal face” to “dumpster face” took three seconds, max, and made me feel real, spine-tingling fear.

I cooked pasta, lots of pasta, removed her from the house chores list and generally walked on eggshells during exam time. Maybe not the best approach but I was removing all pressure because she had put so much pressure on herself. Her time management was amazing - she managed to fit so much into each day.

I tried so many times to let her know that she was, and always would be, more than a score, a number. She is an amazing young woman studying and making her way in the world. We all survived.

I had a two year reprieve and then came Year 12 with Child Two. I had upped the preparation with my meditation and breathing exercises. I had done serious ground work by talking about school and life balance in random conversations. I was ready!

As expected, Child Two was so, so , so relaxed. She had done extra subjects in Years 10 and 11. She had a course total of 4 subjects in Year 12. She had her plan completely worked out and it would work her way.

I circled and waited for signs of stress and manic behaviour ... nothing. She was elected school captain and was a principal dancer in State School Spectacular, which required a week off school. Child One became stressed for her because she didn’t seem to be stressing enough herself.

Parenting Child Two through this year has been so different from previous experience and I had to tell myself constantly to back off and to trust her instincts. She has done an amazing job.

Time management seems to be one of the few similarities between the two. The other similarity is their ability to build amazing rapport with their teachers and make lasting relationships with people who were there through a huge growth period in their lives.

We did hit our first meltdown last week, only 38 weeks in. I’m ashamed to admit I felt kind of happy to be needed.

I have kept the fridge full, backed off, learned to trust her more and been able to sit back a bit more and just be proud.

I’m nearly through this stage of life and it’s a mixture of relief and sadness. Equal parts pride and terror.

I trust that they are ready and it’s time to let them be adults.