'After a breakup, I dabbled with drugs. It turned into an out-of-control opioid addiction.'

In my late teens I went through a catastrophic breakdown of a significant relationship. I’d never been drawn to drugs before, but that relationship breakdown changed everything. 

The people I was living with at the time were playing around with harder drugs and I started to dabble myself. My friends could use and then move on with their lives. I couldn’t. Dabbling soon spiralled into an out-of-control opioid addiction.

Life was hell until I managed to seek treatment for my addiction.

The years that followed were a cycle of recovery and relapse, two steps forward one step back.

Until one time, it worked.

Watch: Jamie Lee Curtis opens up about her addiction. Post continues after video.

I went to rehab for a couple of months, followed by some time in a halfway house. All in all, I recovered in a supported situation for about 12 months. I took the time to make the changes that I needed to make and do the healing that I needed to do.

My turning point.

So many of the therapists I saw over the years of my recovery didn’t have experience with drug and alcohol addiction. There was only so much help they could offer me.

And then I started seeing a therapist who specialised in addiction. That was my turning point in so many ways.

She had her own story of addiction. She understood what I was going through. She’d been there herself. 

Within weeks of seeing this therapist, I felt a deep calling within me to become a therapist myself. I didn’t tell anybody at the time because I was too ashamed. My life was a mess and truthfully, I probably didn’t even believe that it was something I could actually achieve.

As my life went on and I progressed further down the path of recovery, my confidence grew. I started to trust myself and my calling.

I slowly pursued training, and by 2005, I was a qualified psychotherapist. After many years of practice, I now work at Hope in Health, a rehabilitation centre for addicts to help free themselves from the weight of addiction and live healthy and meaningful lives.

The stigma of addiction.

I wasn’t the 'typical' picture of an addict. I came from a middle class family, and until I became an addict, addiction had never entered our lives.

I felt so much shame around my addiction. My friends could party over the weekend and then just get on with their lives. Why couldn’t I?

When I was going through recovery, it was the early 1990s. It was evident that I and many other people I met through recovery were suffering the effects of childhood trauma. But at that time, we viewed trauma through a very different lens. There was a recognition around the type of trauma that was experienced during wars. But not the depth of understanding we have about trauma today and how connected it is to addiction.

The therapist I saw, the one who was the turning point in my recovery, was able to do the shame reduction work I needed to keep fronting up in therapy. This was what I needed in order to do the necessary healing work. 

What I know now, after my many years of working with addicts, is that shame is one of the biggest factors that prevents women from seeking help. Cost and time are also factors but we inherently steep addiction in shame. Especially for women.

That shame I felt? The shame reduction work helped me to join the dots. My therapist educated me on addiction and I could see why I was doing the things I was doing. I could start to see the path to recovery taking shape.

Listen to No Filter where Rosie Waterland shares her experience growing up with parents who struggled from addiction. Post continues after podcast.

Help is available.

That first step can feel like it’s all too hard. I know. I’ve been there.

We’re trapped in this social competition to be the best mum/wife/daughter/friend. Women are the shock absorbers in families. We take on stress after stress, worry after worry until we can’t absorb any more. In that context of expected perfection, it’s really difficult to put your hand up and tell someone that you’re struggling.

But that first step leads to a second step, and that leads to a third step. With the right support - and sometimes it can take time to find that right support - recovery is in reach. Life can be full of joy and sparks of happiness again, without needing to reach for a substance to feel something.

Addiction is pervasive. It can take hold at any age. It doesn’t discriminate against any demographic. My message is that recovery also doesn’t discriminate. It can happen at any age. And for every demographic. My greatest joy is helping other women re-discover the freedom that awaits beyond addiction and walk with them on the well-trodden path of recovery.

Click here to learn more about Hope to Health.

Ms Catherine Stokoe is a PACFA registered psychotherapist and is passionate about guiding people to discover and include the intelligence of their body & mind in their recovery from addiction and mental health conditions. With more than 20 years’ experience, both in private practice and residential treatment centres, Catherine specialises in drug & alcohol, eating disorders, trauma, grief and loss as well as anxiety and depression. With experience at some of Australia’s leading rehabilitation centres including The Sanctuary, South Pacific Private Hospital, Byron Private Treatment Centre and The Buttery, Catherine brings a wealth of knowledge and experience as well as a passion for the recovery process.

If this has raised any issues for you, or if you just feel like you need to speak to someone, please call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) – the national sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service.

If you think you may be experiencing depression or another mental health problem, please contact your general practitioner. If you're based in Australia, 24-hour support is available through Lifeline on 13 11 14 or beyondblue on 1300 22 4636.

Feature Image: Supplied.