The mental load of growing up with money stress (and what to do about it now).

Thanks to our brand partner, Medibank

Growing up with money stress doesn't always end when you move out of home or land your first proper job.

Even with a stable income and money in the bank, the mental load of financial anxiety can still find you. Maybe when you're deciding whether to buy the name-brand groceries, or when a friend suggests an expensive dinner you can actually afford but somehow still feels "too much".

Here's the thing about growing up with money stress: it's often not really about the money itself.

It's about the unspoken culture around it — the guilt, the fear, the quiet comparisons — often passed down in families without even realising.

"How an adult behaves around money can affect their child," Medibank Group Medical Director Dr Shona Sundaraj explained.

"It creates a culture in the family unit and relationship bonds that can quite often be tensioned by guilt, anxiety, fear, comparison to others and a sense of not wanting to talk about the issue which is underlying that."

The problem is, many families never talk openly about these feelings. And when something feels too heavy or awkward to bring up on its own, a structured activity can help lower the stakes and ease people into it. That's why Medibank developed its Family Roast card game: a simple but powerful tool to help spark honest conversations and get families connecting.

Watch: Tina & Ula: I Never Told You This. Post continues after video.

If you grew up hearing "we can't afford that" or watching a parent stress over bills, you'll know exactly what Dr Sundaraj means.

Those moments — whether it was new school shoes, birthday parties you couldn't attend or packed lunches that looked different from everyone else's — created a soundtrack in your head: We never have enough.

From there, financial stress can start to seep into other areas of your life.

"A lack of something in childhood — be it adequate food, nutrition, finance or love — can create a recurring loop in that child's head," Dr Sundaraj said.

That soundtrack doesn't just fade away when you start earning your own money.

Dr Sundaraj explained: "It's almost like a form of trauma that can be re-triggered by a circumstance going on in adulthood."

You might find yourself obsessively checking your bank balance, even when you know you're financially secure. Or feeling guilty about spending money on yourself, no matter how much you earn.

Maybe you avoid splitting bills with friends because it makes you uncomfortable, or you feel anxious when your partner wants to make a big purchase together.

This is what the mental load of childhood money stress looks like in adulthood — it chips away at your emotional resilience, creates anxiety around decisions that should feel straightforward and makes daily life feel harder than it needs to be.

And if you have children or plan to in the future, there's another layer.

"Unless that trauma is really dealt with, they can then pass that on to their children as well," Dr Sundaraj said.

Why we don't talk about money.

But it's not all doom and gloom. There are proactive steps you can take to address your financial anxiety and stop it from impacting your relationships and daily life.

The first step is recognising you're struggling with money stress. The next is open communication, though Dr Sundaraj knows this is often easier said than done.

"It is completely taboo to talk about struggling with finances," she said.

The shame runs deep, and it's compounded by cultural expectations, social media comparisons and the fear of being judged.

Whether you're trying to have honest conversations with your partner about financial goals, setting boundaries with family members, or navigating friendships where spending habits differ dramatically, these conversations feel loaded with potential for conflict.

For those with children, there's the added complexity of wanting to protect them while also being honest.

"Trying to break that cycle means that an individual has really got to find the help that they need and be very open about the emotions that are attached to the financial stress," Dr Sundaraj said.

Breaking the cycle.

So, how do you start having healthier money conversations?

In your own relationships, start by acknowledging your money triggers with people you trust. If you find yourself getting anxious about group dinners or shared expenses, be honest about it.

Setting boundaries might mean saying no to social events that stretch your budget, or having honest conversations with family members about financial expectations.

If you have children, Dr Sundaraj suggested beginning with age-appropriate discussions that focus on values rather than limitations.

"I think it's a reasonable thing for a family to just sit down and talk as a family unit as to what they can actually achieve in that family," she said.

The key is finding the balance between honesty and protection.

"I don't think children need to necessarily know that mortgage costs are getting higher… but a well-rounded discussion about 'we have to work to be able to afford food and clothes and other things' so that children start to understand the value of money from a young age."

Instead of focusing on what you can't afford, try reframing conversations around what you value as a family.

The goal is "teaching them about the value of money in a positive sense as opposed to 'we can never afford to do a family trip'," as Dr Sundaraj put it.

Remember, breaking generational patterns of financial anxiety isn't about having all the answers — it's about being willing to start the conversation and model a healthier relationship with money for the next generation.

Get the conversation started with Medibank's Family Roast game — available to play online.

This information is general in nature and does not replace the advice of a healthcare professional. As with any medical condition, always seek health advice from a qualified healthcare professional.

If you or anyone you know needs to speak with an expert, please contact your GP or in Australia, contact Lifeline (13 11 14), Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800) or Beyond Blue (1300 22 4636), all of which provide trained counsellors you can talk with 24/7.

To the extent permitted by law, MPL excludes all liability for any loss that may be sustained from acting on this information (subject to applicable consumer guarantees).

Feature Image: Getty.

Medibank is committed to improving the mental health of all Australians. Visit medibank.com.au/mental-health for information, support options and tips to have more meaningful mental health conversations.