By NATALIA HAWK
A few weeks ago, I got punched in the boob at touch football.
And no, it was not accidental. It was a direct hit, administered by someone on the other team who was evidently feeling overly competitive.
So how did I react? I burst into tears and stormed off the field, like the mature adult that I am. The incident has since gone down in history as the most embarrassing moment of my sporting career.
To explain a bit further: I play touch every Tuesday in a mixed competition, which means there are boys and girls and everyone has a lovely not-really-competitive time. If we win, we go out for Chinese food to celebrate. If we don’t win, we go out for Chinese food anyway.
I turned up one Tuesday feeling quite under the weather. I’d been battling a headache for 48 hours and it was making me progressively crankier. I’d tried curing the headache with Panadol, Panamax, Nurofen, water, hydralites, sleep, low lighting and relaxation. Nothing had worked. I thought exercise might just be the answer.
Friend: “Are you sure you are okay to play?”
Me (looking away to try and disguise crazy eyes): “Oh yes.”
Friend: “… How much Panadol have you taken?”
Me (excessively cheerful): “I am on a COCKTAIL of pain killers!!!!!”
Friend: “…… Just stay off for the first half of the game.”
Like a good team player, I did stay off the field. I rested up until it was time for the second half and ran on. The other team started running towards us, throwing the ball to each other. A girl from the other team got the ball and ran towards me. “I’ve got her!” I cried, merrily running up with my hand outstretched to touch her.
But she beat me to it. Because that’s when she looked at me, reached out with her fist and punched me directly in the boob.