'I have my children full-time but their father pays $0 child support. He's not breaking the law.'

The sound of my alarm jolts me awake, even though the morning wake-up time hasn't changed in years. Occasionally, I'll mix up the tone; an upbeat song or nature sounds — an attempt to soften the slight sting of anxiety that comes with each new day as a single mum of three teenagers.

I race between bedrooms waking the kids. If they're quick to get moving, I jump in the shower myself, hoping they don't get sidetracked by phones or iPads, so we can get out the door on time.

Breakfast blurs into lunch-packing and last-minute checks for out-of-the-ordinary school requirements. Then it's school drop-off number one. I herd two of them into the car and pray the traffic gods are kind as I head home, where, most days, I find my eldest has fallen back asleep.

Watch: Brooke's day in the life as a single mum of five children. Article continues after the video.

We start the process again. I get him to his school, in the opposite direction, one eye on the clock to make sure I land at work by 8.45am, enough time to make a coffee and breath for a moment before my shift begins.

On a good day, I reach the end of that shift without a call from the school, the GP, the dentist, or someone chasing an unpaid bill.

On a good day, I collect one child, the other two catch the bus, and we tumble into the house where I juggle snacks, emails and phone calls, and prepare for sports, dinner, homework and washing.

Somewhere in the chaos, I check the mail. Aside from the occasional political flyer, it's almost always bills. 

This routine will sound painfully familiar to many single mums — each of us walking our own version of a tightrope, balancing work, parenting, finances and survival.

Today, there's a letter from the Department of Human Services. It's a child support assessment update, following the submission of my children's father's tax return.

The new assessment?

$0.

$0, despite the fact I have the kids full-time. No shared care, just fortnightly visits.

$0 despite the costs of living in a house large enough for three teens falling to me — the weekly grocery bill, electricity, health insurance, school fees, uniforms, haircuts, doctor's visits, and all frequent miscellaneous costs.

My ex is paying $0 in child support, but he's not breaking the law. 

Financially, the impact on me is minimal. It's a reduction of just $25 a week, an already farcical figure. But something about seeing that $0 amount, in black and white, felt like a particularly hard slap in the face.

Of course, I'm not alone when it comes to footing the cost of child-raising alone. As of June 2024, more than 220,000 parents had skipped required child support payments, leaving a staggering $1.83 billion in unpaid support. 

In these cases, child support is owed but not paid, hence it is a debt. In my case, there's no legal requirement for my children's father to contribute anything at all. The entire financial (and practical) load of raising three teenagers falls to me.

Trying to earn enough to fund four lives is hard enough. Doing it while also being the parent who manages school runs, homework, sports, part-time jobs, emotional meltdowns and everything else is another thing altogether. 

This situation isn't rare. While some loopholes have been closed over the years, a major gap still exists — particularly when the paying parent is self-employed. Unlike wage earners, who have payments deducted directly, self-employed parents have more control.

While there are always exceptions, the primary caregiver is almost always the mother. And the parent avoiding child support — legally or not — is almost always the father. That leaves single mothers to carry enormous financial pressure, while still showing up daily to meet their children's physical and emotional needs.

Ultimately, it's the kids who miss out.

What you can do. 

If you believe your ex-partner's reported income doesn't reflect their true financial position, there are options available — primarily a Change of Assessment application. 

This process allows the Department to take a closer look at the other parent's finances, including tax returns, bank statements, and other records, to determine whether their declared income is accurate. 

In some cases, these reviews can lead to significant adjustments —sometimes increasing the assessed income by tens of thousands of dollars. 

However, the application must be supported by clear evidence and cannot be lodged without so-called valid grounds. You're also at the mercy of the assessor. 

Manipulation of the system. 

A recent investigation by the Commonwealth Ombudsman highlights how Australia's child support system is being misused by some parents as a tool of financial abuse against their former partners and children. Of the 279 complaints examined over a three-month period, nearly one-third involved deliberate manipulation of the child support system to punish or control the receiving parent.

In some cases, abuse extends to using threats, intimidation or legal technicalities to avoid scrutiny or collection action. These behaviours not only deprive children of financial support but can also force the receiving parent into debt.

According to the report, many parents describe the system as complex, intimidating and retraumatising. Some give up altogether, fearing retaliation from an abusive ex or simply lacking the means to challenge decisions.

Meanwhile, unpaid child support debts continue to climb. The average debt per non-paying parent sits above $7000, and current enforcement mechanisms are often ineffective — particularly when dealing with self-employed or deliberately non-compliant parents.

To address these failures, the report makes eight key recommendations, including better enforcement of payments, improved identification of financial abuse, enhanced inter-agency collaboration, and legislative reform to close loopholes. 

Ultimately, the report paints a clear picture: without systemic reform, the child support system will continue to be used not as a safety net, but as a weapon.

Feature image: Getty.