The signs that prove you're too old for this.

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I used to love going out. The preparation, the pre-drinks, the bars clubs and people. I couldn’t get enough, the ultimate party girl. It didn’t matter what time I stumbled through the front door. I could sleep in until noon if I wanted. A quick trip through the drive through and I was good as gold.

And then it happened. I can’t blame it on marriage and children as most people would assume because it started before that. I just didn’t care any more.

Nowadays, the thought of standing in a crowded bar trying to get a bar tenders attention for a drink has zero appeal. Ironically, I can actually afford the drinks now, which is in stark contrast to my uni days but I ain’t poppin’ bottles unless they’re filled with expressed breast milk, not because I want a big night but because I want a big sleep.

Here are the signs that help you know when you too are too old for this shit.

You’re judging the clothing choices of others “Oh my god. Look at what that poor girl is wearing. She must be freezing!” or “Oh wow, those are so short I can actually see what she had for breakfast!” You too may have been guilty of some shameless flesh flashing but these days you own ‘statement’ pieces of clothing that you don’t want someones sticky drink spilled on.

You get pissed off at lines and crowds “I have to line up to buy a drink? Oh FFS!”

You’re yawning at 10pm.​

You mentally calculate how many hours of sleep you would get in if you left now “If I left now, that would be about 5 hours by the time I get home and let the cat out. Yep, that’s do-able.”

You don't know any of the songs playing. "How does everyone else know the words?!"

It's too loud How are you supposed to have a decent conversation with anyone when you can't even hear them?

You don't get carded on the way in. "Just go straight through".

You have no idea how to dance to the music. "What are they doing with their arms?"

Everyone looks like a child "How could he possibly be legal? Looking at him makes me feel like I'm guilty of some kind of sex crime."

You work out that there are people in that club who were born in 1998 and it seems like only a few years ago. In fact you may have even babysat for some of them.

You get a weird anxiety when you realise it's past midnight. For some people the night starts at 11. For you, that's just getting uncomfortable and you'd rather be in bed.

You don't even know where the 'cool' places are anymore because everywhere you used to party has closed down.

FOMO Ha! No way, Netflix has the New Game of Thrones and there's a decent bottle of red at home. Who's missing out now?!

You don't want random people touching you. Back in the day, the whole point of going out was to attract some hotties of the opposite sex. Now you're just grossed out by someone grinding on your leg.

You wore your comfortable shoes and your feet still hurt.

Drunk people annoy you. "Since when were drunk people so friggin' annoying? Was I this annoying? Stop slurring on me, idiot!"

Everyone around you pisses you off. The bartender, the door staff, the trumpet in the bathrooms who can't hold her alcohol.

You can actually afford the drink prices but get really annoyed at paying $10 for some shit vodka. You'd like something decent and you don't need to mix it with anything sickly sweet.

You don't want to judge but you're judging everyone, hard.

You're annoyed that there is no where to sit down That, and they don't serve food.

Someone offers you party drugs and you literally have no idea what they are talking about.