Generally, being nice is a great quality. Nice people are polite and considerate and kind, and always have the best intentions when it comes to how they treat others.
But sometimes, nice people take it too far. They’re too nice. And it inconveniences me and my day.
“Ummm,” I hear you say. “Are you… are you seriously complaining about niceness? People could be mean, you know.”
Oh, I know. There are a lot of assholes, and being nice puts you firmly in my favoured group of people. But like… eugh.
Most of the time, my preferred way of interacting with the world is to be completely ignored by everyone around me. I don't want people to fuss, I don't want people to go to any trouble, and I definitely don't want people to *shudders* buy me things. JUST LEAVE ME BE. YOUR NICENESS IS INVASIVE.
Of course, there are normal people, and I'm sure they wholly appreciate niceness. But as an introverted, anxious, awkward and admittedly weird person, people being nice can just be too much.
So, in my opinion, these are the five worst types of nice people.
I'm walking towards the door, but I'm still a fair distance away. Probably on my phone, walking slowly, because I'm generally a slow type of person. YOU DON'T NEED TO HOLD THE DOOR OPEN FOR ME. Now I have to rush. And that's stressful. I also have to thank you, and even, God forbid, make small talk with you.
It's 2016 and I'm a strong, independent woman. I can open a door all by myself. I desperately want to do this:
But that would be rude, so I do a half-powerwalk, half-jog thing to make it to the door, and by the time I say 'thanks' I'm out of breath and sweating a little bit.
WHY IS EVERYTHING SO HARD.
I'm always suspicious of people who give me compliments. Oh, my hair looks good, does it? DOES IT?! It most definitely does not and we both know that.
What am I meant to say when you compliment me? Do I say 'thank you' and sounds arrogant AF? Do I deflect it and become that overly-insecure person everyone whinges about?
By giving me a compliment, you put me in a very difficult position. And, let's be honest. My self-esteem issues run so deep that I'm not even going to consider for a second that you're telling the truth.
I'm only ever going to dissect the many ulterior motives you have for complimenting me, and tear myself apart even further.
Yeah, thanks for your compliment. Jeez, you're so selfish.
This applies almost exclusively to my mother, but please: I don't want a dressing gown. I don't want weird slippers that make me look like Bugs Bunny. I don't want perfume you got from the chemist and I don't want a passport holder for when I go travelling.
It is so nice of you to buy me these things, really. But they make me ultimately feel worse than if you'd done nothing. Buying me something I'm never going to wear/use gives me significant anxiety. I worry about how you'll be waiting to see it, and every time I think about you I think, 'SHIT. Better wear that ugly jumper next time or I'll feel ungrateful.'
That's why when you ask if I need anything, my reaction is often like this:
I simply can't. I can't deal with you buying me stuff.
You know what? The world is a pretty f*cked up place. There are people starving, there's a refugee crisis, Donald Trump might very well become President of the United States, and just as I sit here complaining about people being too nice, other people live in conditions I can't even fathom.
So when people have only nice things to say about the world, I get frustrated.
"Oh, The Big Music Quiz is such fun! I just dance in front of the TV! Ah, Aussie TV at it's best, am I right?!"
No.
Not right. The Big Music Quiz is terrible. I don't know why it's on television and I don't think anyone does. You don't have to be nice about everything, especially when it's awful.
This is my pet hate.
So, picture this: you've been hard done by. You've had someone say or do something to you that's really hurt your feelings, and you want to feel supported by your friends. But instead, they insist they just want to be 'nice' to everyone. So, you know, they'll continue to speak to/be friends with the person who was a d*ck.
NOT COOL, nice people, NOT COOL. This is one of those situations where you frankly need to stop being a nice person, because being nice actually hurts my feelings, and that's not very nice is it?
All you want to do is let off some steam, but certain people are TOO NICE.
So there you have it - the worst types of nice people.
Of course, there are many others. There are the people who (relentlessly) offer you food, the ones who talk to you on public transport, and the ones who want to hang out just a little too much.
Essentially, niceness can sometimes be invasive, and I just want to exist in a world where I feel equal to everyone else. I don't want to owe anyone anything, I don't want to feel indebted, and I don't want to feel pressure to behave a certain way just because the people around me are too damn nice.
Is this the most first world problem anyone has ever had? Almost certainly. But do I wish I could live in a bubble where no one ever made a fuss over me? Most definitely.
