There's one type of narcissist that everyone adores. Here's how to spot them.

When Andrea* started working at a centre for vulnerable youths fresh out of a social work degree, she was, by her own admission, "a little bit starstruck."

The centre's founder, something of a local media darling, was known for his ongoing, selfless work in the non-profit space and the way he'd been able to revolutionise the lives of several young people who had moved through the service.

"He'd actually given a talk at my uni the year before, and his reputation was a big part of why I chose to apply for the position when it came up."

Over time, however, Andrea's view of her boss began to sour. 

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"There were a million little things at first," she explained, "like he'd take the credit for an idea someone else came up with, or claim he'd had more to do with an initiative than he actually had."

At first, Andrea assumed it was because a big part of the success of the centre relied on her boss as the public face of the organisation.

"I understood why he did so much media, or maybe inflated his own role in things, because he knew he brought in big donors with his profile. But the more I got to know him, the more something was off."

Within the team, there was a divide between those who revered the boss with an almost cult-like worship, and those who questioned some of his decisions. He'd reward those who adored him, and punish dissent. 

"I heard him scream at one of the other social workers for giving a podcast interview to a friend about youth homelessness. It was like he couldn't handle not being in the spotlight," she recalled. 

"Also, he was really good with the kids in some settings, and in other settings it was like he barely had time for them. It struck me that this was hugely destabilising for them to have him be so hot and cold with them."

Andrea left the role less than a year into her contract because the increasing bullying from her boss left her "unable to sleep most nights."

She now believes she was dealing with a malignant form of personality disorder that thrives in these types of settings: the communal narcissist. 

What we know about this narcissist type.

The stats on just how many people in society might be classified as having narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are difficult to pin down, given the fact that very few narcissists actively seek help for their condition. Estimates have the prevalence of NPD sitting somewhere between one and six percent of the general population, with communal narcissism a subtype of 'grandiose' narcissism.

"Communal narcissism is a type of narcissism in which the inflated self-views of a person are focused on their perceived contributions to others, the community or society, even the world," psychologist Anoushka Dowling explained. 

"Where grandiose and vulnerable narcissists are focused on themselves, and seeking validation for who they are, a communal narcissist is seeking validation for what they do.

They want all the same validation and assurance, but they want it for being the most giving, caring or generous towards others. Their activism and empathy are all performative, they do it for perception and praise from others, rather than a genuine concern for the cause or the people impacted by it."

Anoushka Dowling. Image: Supplied.

Dowling suspects communal narcissists could be on the rise due to online spaces where this kind of performative altruism is rewarded.

"It is very easy to find a community on the internet that is concerned about one social justice cause or another," she said. 

"Unfortunately, the state of the world means there are so many causes that someone can hitch their wagon to. What is not so easy, is to determine who amongst those communities are genuine in their care and compassion, making it the perfect place for a communal narcissist to get their intense need for validation and praise met."

Dowling says there are two main things to look out for if you suspect you may be dealing with a communal narcissist.

One is congruence," she explained. "For example, is the person who they portray themselves to be to the outside (or online) world, the same person behind closed doors when no-one is watching?" 

The second thing to look out for, says Dowling, is empathy — specifically whether it's real or put on.

"Is what you're seeing feigned empathy or genuine empathy? Feigned empathy is shown — through big, showy gestures — genuine empathy is felt," Dowling said.

For Andrea, all of this rings particularly close to home from her experience with her ex-boss.

"It got to the point where I'd really struggle to trust my own instincts at work and with people," she said. 

Indeed, Dowling confirmed that being in a personal or professional relationship with a communal narcissist can, like all forms of narcissism, prompt an insidious form of gaslighting.

"You'll likely ask yourself if you're imagining some of the behaviour that isn't congruent with the image of themselves they present to others," she said. 

"You may start to wonder if it is your fault that they are not the same person with you as they are with others. You'll start to second-guess your own morality when you question their intentions, for example, 'if they're as good a person as they say they are, then why do I not believe them? Maybe I'm the bad person here?' 

"Ultimately, it can lead to an impacted sense of reality and chronic self-doubt."

 And, like with all narcissists, the key to learning to protect yourself comes down to that magic word: boundaries. 

"You will need some strong internal self-assurance strategies," Dowling said. 

"Their reaction to your boundaries says more about them than you. Assure yourself that even if it looks like kindness, if it doesn't feel like it, you don't have to accept it. You are allowed to say 'no' without reason. Don't feel bad for protecting your energy from someone who "seems" nice to everyone else."

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Andrea, who is now back studying psychology at university, wishes she'd been able to cut ties sooner with her boss, rather than sticking around and doubting her own opinion of him.

"I think, particularly when you're working in spaces like social work or with community organisations, there is this assumption that everyone drawn to these professions must be genuinely in it for the right reasons. After all, it's not like they're high-paying professions," she said.

"That was part of why I kept telling myself that things weren't as bad as they were, but in the end, my own mental health was too shaky to keep working there. I blame a lot of that on him."

*Name changed to protect identity.

Feature image: Getty.