real life

'After a miscarriage I started bleeding at work. What happened next defined me.'

One moment I was clearing my inbox. The next, I felt a warm gush run down my legs. I looked down and saw blood everywhere.

The physical aftermath of a miscarriage weeks earlier, a horrifying experience many women go through that I thought I'd avoided. But here I was in the office, wearing light-coloured jeans, with an Instagram Live in two hours.

I didn't say a word. I wrapped a cardigan around my waist, muttered something about needing to duck out, and left as quickly as I could heart racing, cheeks burning, trying not to cry.

I drove home, showered, changed my clothes, and came straight back. Then I sat down in front of the camera, hit "go live"… and smiled like nothing had happened.

Watch: Tina Arena speaks to Mia Freedman about her miscarriage. Post continues below.


Video via Mamamia.

That moment defined me, not because I was proud of how I kept going, but because I realised just how much I was silently carrying.

For six years, I battled infertility while building a digital agency, The Search Republic. While managing $700million plus in client sales and scaling to seven figures, I was also navigating hormones, failed IVF cycles, pregnancy loss, and emotional burnout.

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No one saw that part.

They saw the confident CEO, the polished strategist, the woman who had it "all together."

Behind the scenes? I was injecting hormones into my stomach at 5am before client meetings. I was getting test results in the middle of boardrooms. I was grieving miscarriages while launching client campaigns.

I know I'm not the only one.

Women all over this country are silently carrying the weight of trying to grow a family while showing up at work like everything is fine.

We don't talk about it. We rarely ask for help. And most workplaces aren't set up to support it.

Sonja Pototzki-Raymond pictured."We need space. We need support. We need to be seen," writes Sonja Pototzki-Raymond. Image: Supplied.

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When you're going through fertility treatment, there's a lot of waiting. Waiting for the right time in your cycle. Waiting for blood test results. Waiting to hear how many embryos made it. Waiting for the heartbreak or the hope.

It's relentless. And it doesn't stop just because you've got a Zoom meeting or a sales target.

I was building my dream business while also trying to keep my heart from breaking completely.

What most people don't realise is that the mental load of infertility is enormous. It's not just the physical appointments, the needles, the ultrasounds. It's the emotional whiplash. The hope, the disappointment, the guilt, the shame. The pressure to stay optimistic.

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The fear you'll never become a mum.

Watch: No Filter is Mamamia's podcast for candid conversations you rarely hear. In this special Get Me Pregnant episode, co-hosted by Leigh Campbell and Rachel Corbett, experts unpack the facts and feelings of miscarriage for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day. Post continues below.

It's being asked in meetings, "So when are you having kids?" while quietly swallowing the lump in your throat.

It's showing up to a baby shower with a gift and a smile when your own embryo transfer failed just days before.

It's crying in your car between work calls. It's doing a presentation while you're bleeding from a miscarriage.

It's knowing that if you don't show up, someone will say you're not committed. But if you do, you're silently screaming inside.

There were days I thought my marriage wouldn't survive. Days I thought I wouldn't survive.

But I kept going. Not because I wanted to be seen as someone who always powers through, but because I refused to let this journey break me.

Going through that experience changed how I lead. It made me more aware that people carry so much we never see, especially women. Today, I lead with more compassion, more flexibility, and a deeper understanding that sometimes showing up means just making it through the day.

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I know what it feels like to be in a hard season. I've lived it. And I'll never forget it.

And if I've learnt anything, it's that businesswomen don't need more "girlboss" hustle culture.

We need space. We need support. We need to be seen.

We need permission to be vulnerable and powerful at the same time.

Today, I'm a mum to two beautiful girls. But I'm not writing this from a perfect happy ending, I'm writing it from a place of truth.

Because the messy middle? The part no one talks about? That's where I lived for years.

If you're there right now, in the waiting, the heartbreak, the holding-it-together. I want you to know you're not alone. Your pain is real. Your strength is not invisible. And you don't have to keep carrying it in silence.

I'm sharing my story because it's time we talked about what women really carry behind closed doors.

Sonja Pototzki-Raymond is the founder of The Search Republic, a 40 Under 40 Award Winner, and author of the Amazon bestseller The Search for Resilience: Awakening the Warrior in Business and Life. The Search for Resilience is for anyone navigating hard things while trying to hold everything else together and is available now online and in bookstores.

Feature: Instagram/@sonjathesearchqueen.

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