'2 hours after giving birth, I asked the nurse for my laptop. She looked at me like I was crazy.'

I'd just given birth when my baby was immediately plucked from my arms and rushed to NICU. He was born at 39 weeks after a perfectly healthy pregnancy. Every scan had been normal, with no signs that anything might go wrong.

So when they told me he was struggling to breathe and ran out of the room with him in their arms, I was in complete shock.

After being moved from recovery, I found myself alone in a hospital room, paralysed from a c-section, mid-pandemic and I did something most people wouldn't expect.

I pressed the call bell and asked the nurse to pass me my laptop.

She looked at me like I was crazy. But the alternative was lying in silence and spiralling about whether my baby boy was going to be ok.

So I did the only thing I could to stay grounded in that moment. I opened my laptop and went back to work. Not because I had to, but because my business felt like the only thing holding me together.

Image: Supplied.

Hubby was down in the NICU waiting for updates. I was totally alone with my thoughts and tears.

I couldn't exactly call my family in the UK because it was the middle of the night for them and I had no news to share. I didn't want to jump on social media and start doom-scrolling and my clients didn't even know I was giving birth that day.

So strangely, showing up in my business felt like the only thing that made sense.

After getting pregnant for the second time in two years, I'd planned to do things differently during this maternity leave. With my first son, I was working as a marriage celebrant and I was back at weddings, glammed up and smiling just four weeks later.

I didn't give myself space to recover, and it was a lot.

Watch: Career And Baby Dilemma. Post continues after video.

This time, I swore I'd do better. I'd built an online consulting business, so I was able to work from home. I hired a team member to support me, prepped my business for my absence and pictured a calm postpartum season filled with all the newborn snuggles.

But the moment I gave birth and he was whisked from my arms, all those plans disappeared. There I was, stuck in a hospital bed, numb from the waist down, completely alone, and separated from the baby I'd just carried for nine months.

Many women in my family have experienced postnatal depression, so I've always been conscious of the signs and how easily it can sneak in when you feel disconnected, unsupported or stuck in your own head.

At that moment, I knew I had to do something to protect myself and my mental health.

For me, my business is my safe space. It's familiar and grounding. I jumped online and replied to client emails and messages, posted in my community and scheduled some social media content. As soon as I started, I was in the zone.

Image: Supplied.

Working became my coping mechanism.

After 48 hours in hospital, I discharged myself. Not because I was physically ready — I definitely wasn't. But mentally, I couldn't handle being stuck in that sterile room, surrounded by masks and silence, with no one allowed to visit and no baby to hold.

I went home to be with my toddler. I needed to feel like myself again, have my own space and some sense of normality while I waited for updates.

My son ended up spending 10 days in NICU. He'd had issues with his lungs at birth and the amazing team there supported his breathing and helped him stabilise. It was heartbreaking not to be with him, but I knew he was in the best hands.

By the time we brought him home, I'd already eased back into work and it felt good to have that consistency and stability.

I realised I didn't want to take time off anymore — I wanted both. I wanted to be with my baby, and I wanted to work.

I do think that's the truth for a lot of us. We're told to pick a lane: either a stay-at-home mum or working mum. Devoted or driven. When in actual fact, most of us are both.

We want to be good mothers and feel like ourselves. We want to nurture our babies and our ambitions. So why are we made to feel guilty for wanting both?

Too often, the judgement doesn't come from men — it actually comes from other women. There's guilt if you work. Guilt if you don't. Guilt if you enjoy it. And guilt if you admit you're struggling. It's exhausting.

Motherhood is already one of the most emotionally demanding, physically draining and deeply transformative experiences we'll ever go through. The last thing we need is more pressure.

So I eased back into work with just a few hours a week, and my husband took paternity leave instead. It worked perfectly for us and it also meant he got precious one-on-one time with the baby, something I think a lot of dads miss out on in those early weeks. Watching their bond grow while I returned to something that made me feel like myself felt like a win for everyone.

For me, I truly believe that working makes me a better mum, because it's an amazing creative outlet — and that personally makes me more present when I am in mum mode.

We don't talk enough about the power of work as a form of regulation, especially when it's something you genuinely love. When s**t gets crazy in life, I know that my business gives me space to disconnect from it all and channel my energy into something positive.

This isn't about toxic hustle — I'm not saying bury your emotions under a to-do list. There's a big difference between nourishing work and avoidance work, and for many women, work can be a source of stability, creativity and even joy in a heavy time.

If you're a mum building a business, growing your career, or just trying to find yourself again in the fog — I see you. You're not a bad mum for needing more than motherhood.

You're allowed to prioritise your mental health and do what feels right for you, and you're not selfish for needing space to regulate and reconnect. Sometimes that space is rest, sometimes it's a hobby or spending time with friends and sometimes it's work.

Although many people will think that going straight back to work after just two hours is totally insane - for me, it was the best possible coping mechanism in an incredibly emotional situation and I don't regret a second of it.

ICYMI, check out these birth stories:

• The headlines making busy mums feel guilty today.

• 'I went back to work too early after having a baby. Here's why I regret it.'

• 'I took zero maternity leave. This is what I want you to know three months in.'

Feature Image: Supplied.