"Faking your orgasms isn't wrong, it's kind."

Chances are if you’re a woman and you’ve had sex, at some point you’ve faked an orgasm.

When news broke this week of the Orgasm Gap (a research study that reported during intercourse approximately 98% of straight men climax compared with 65% of women) it left out one important statistic: about 900% of women will, at some point, throw their head back and do their best Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally.

Turns out, there’s an entirely opposite approach. Where some women are saying to the sisterhood: STOP. You’re entitled to an orgasm, too. A real one. So don’t succumb to faking it. Because every time you do, you do a disservice to women.

It assumes the position that positive reinforcement of unsatisfying sex is a bad idea. That you will wear the cost of this poor performance next time. That in the end, the only person you are screwing is yourself, and the poor woman that comes after you once you and Mr BadRoot break it off.

Is pretending you’re satisfied when you’re not making a rod for your own back (instead of one that can be used for better purposes)?

Listen to Jessie Stephens rally women for a pact. That all women should band together and STOP faking orgasms for The Greater Good:

Sorry, but not every time you have sex are you going to be able to shoot yourself through the ceiling and onto the moon. For all those other times, faking it is fine.

There are many reasons. Some are entirely selfish: You want it to end so you can say goodbye and they can leave your house; you want to go to sleep.

Some are entirely odd: You want to annoy the neighbours; you want to scare the dog out of the room ‘cos it’s weird when it looks at you when you’re doing it;

Sometimes, it might be that you’re just plain not feeling it. You might be stressed/tired/feel put off by the relationship in some way/thinking about work/a cup of tea/what you should get your cousin for her baby shower/what the hell to put in the lunch boxes tomorrow.

In all occasions, it’s wanting to end things more quickly, without making your partner feel bad. You’re not feeling it, and you don’t want them to be offended.

A post shared by @homedreams77 on May 16, 2016 at 1:53pm PDT

And that’s ok. In fact, that can sometimes be a good thing. No one wants to know the truth in bed, do they? Do we want to shine a cold hard light on all our failings and faults and saggy, embarrassing bits when we are skin to skin with another? Aren’t we all just trying to do our very best, have a bit of fun, and make another human in a birthday suit feel ok? Even good?

Sex is an extremely intimate act. An act of vulnerability. A place to tread very, very carefully. You literally put your bits out there to be with someone else’s bits and hope for the best.

To lie there, silently counting the cracks on the ceiling and not give a little of yourself to the moment says more about you than it does your partner. It says: you care only about what you’re getting in this transaction.

Faking an orgasm shows empathy. That you care about your partner’s feelings and self-esteem more than your own. That you’re encouraging. That you don’t want them to feel bad. That you’re putting them first. That you are willing to take one for the team because sometimes those little white lies are for the greater good.

A post shared by Barbara Hinesley (@barbara_hinesley) on May 4, 2016 at 12:43pm PDT

From the little white lies when you tell your bestie there’s no WAY she’s put on weight, to those days when you say “I’m good!” even though you want to die inside, we’re a social species. We are conditioned to suppress the instinct to tell people the raw, painful truth.

It’s not a female thing. It’s an empathetic, human thing. Faking an orgasm is an extension of that. A very intimate way to show empathy to another human.

Because after all, isn’t that the point of a partnership? When you put someone else’s needs and feelings above your own? Because if you were only interested in putting yourself first, you wouldn’t need them there at all.

(I’m not advocating for a one-way ticket to sexual frustration, here. The moment to discuss your needs is later, much later, when the heat of the moment has dissipated and there are no negative consequences of having another person feel bad that they didn’t perform well enough.)

There are enough things in the world to feel bad about. Don’t let faking your orgasm be one of them.

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