40 women just told us their biggest sexual fantasies. There was a recurring theme.

Even in the quietest moments of a long-term relationship, minds wander. There's a private space we retreat to, a little mental hideaway where the endless mental load — 'who emptied the dishwasher, who's picking up the kids' — doesn't exist.

In that space, something far more electric takes over.

It's a woman's "secret garden": a hidden library of sexual fantasies kept tucked away and all too often never whispered out loud.

Australia is a nation that prides itself on being laid-back and open, yet when it comes to what really turns women on, many still worry their desires are "too much," "too weird," or "too different" from the routine of Tuesday-night quickies.

When Mamamia asked readers to pull back the curtain on their intimate lives — covering everything from satisfaction to orgasms, and the big one: fantasies — the responses surprised us as they were extremely candid and unflinchingly honest.

As the answers poured in, one theme emerged again and again: it wasn't just about what women fantasise about, it was about why.

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The recurring theme.

When we asked: "What is your biggest sexual fantasy?", we got a variety of answers. We're talking everything from double penetration to "orgys" and encounters with other women.

But the most common thread? The desire for surrender.

Whether it was a craving for a threesome (the most cited fantasy by far) or a specific interest in power play, the underlying heartbeat was the same: women wanted to be the centre of attention without having to do the work.

Many women craved being the passive recipient of pleasure. Image: Canva.

It's important to note the majority of respondents said they were in long-term commitments, with many marking the "10 plus years" box in terms of relationship length.

These are women who have built lives, navigated careers, and, in many cases, raised children. These women are the CEOs of their households — managing schedules, emotional labour, and career pressures — and so, their ultimate turn-on is to relinquish control.

One reader described her fantasy as: "To have multiple partners pleasure me and I don't need to do anything!"

One woman said they desired to have "someone watching me as my husband goes down on me."

Another woman said her fantasy was "being groped by multiple men at once."

Another said they wanted to be "dominated by someone in power over me — a teacher, a boss, someone I owe money to."

This isn't about wanting to be disempowered in real life; it's about the luxury of being a passive recipient of pleasure.

It's the "anti-mental load" fantasy. It's the one place where you don't have to initiate, you don't have to worry about your partner's satisfaction, and you don't have to be the one "in charge".

The "threesome" phenomenon.

The threesome remained the "heavy hitter" of the survey responses. For some, it was a dream already realised.

"We engaged an escort when we went overseas for a wedding and had a threesome — it was fantastic and a highlight of my sex life," one woman shared.

For others, the fantasy of a third person (whether another man or another woman) represented a break from the routine.

However, there was a distinct divide between those who wanted to bring the fantasy to life and those who wanted to keep it firmly in the "thought-only" category.

As one reader put it: "I don't want to do it in real life as I think it would just be really awkward and would ruin the whole fantasy. Some things are better kept as a fantasy."

More unfiltered fantasies.

While many of the survey responses centred on a desire for deeper connection, a significant number of women used the anonymity of the survey to reveal the specific, high-definition scenarios they keep tucked away.

These aren't just passing thoughts; they are the "wild" outliers that contrast sharply with the daily grind of life.

One reader admitted her biggest fantasy is "being watched by someone else," while another detailed a desire for "rougher sex, being dominated/tied up."

For some, the fantasy was about the thrill of the unexpected, like the reader who dreams of "having sex anywhere but the bedroom," or the woman who simply wants to be the passive recipient of a "full body massage that leads to more."

Others craved specific physical sensations, such as a reader who mentioned "a bit of S&M (sadomasochism)," or those who focused on the visual, like wanting their partner to "film us having sex."

There was also a recurring interest in the thrill of the "semi-public," with one woman fantasising about "public sex where there is a risk of being caught."

The hidden world of desire.

Perhaps the most poignant takeaway from the survey was the silence that surrounds these desires. When we asked if women felt comfortable discussing these fantasies with their partners, the refusal was loud.

"No, they scare me to speak out loud," a woman admitted.

"I would never tell my partner," another said.

One recipient shared: "My partner does not feel comfortable talking about sex, so we do not discuss fantasies. With my lover, we talk about our fantasies and sex a lot."

For many, the fear is that the fantasy will be misunderstood. If you tell your partner you fantasise about being "watched" or "dominated," will they think you aren't satisfied with them? If you mention a woman, will they feel insecure?

There is also the 'not included' factor. One woman joked that she couldn't share her fantasy because "it doesn't have him in it!"

This gap in communication is where the tension lives. Our survey found that when women rated their "communication about sex" as low, their "variety" and "passion" were often rated as "poor".

So, while women are talking about sex, they aren't necessarily talking about the things that actually make them tick.

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Why we need fantasy.

Psychologists suggest that fantasies act as a necessary escape valve. They allow women to explore parts of their identity that don't fit into the roles of "mother," "wife," or "employee".

In the secret garden of a fantasy, you can be submissive, the exhibitionist, or the queen bee of an orgy.

You can be anyone other than the person who needs to remember its library book day tomorrow.

But the survey results suggest there is a quiet yearning to bridge the gap.

When asked what they wish they could change, many women didn't ask for a "boss" or a "threesome" — they asked for "more spontaneity," "more confidence," and for their partners to be "more vocal."

They wanted the feeling of the fantasy — the intensity, the focus, the passion — to bleed into the reality of their bedrooms.

Final Thoughts.

The Mamamia Sex Survey wasn't just a collection of "wild stories" (though there were plenty of those — shout out to the woman whose "amateur" attempt at handcuffs resulted in a bruised face and a fit of laughter).

It was a snapshot of the Australian woman's interior life.

What we learnt is we are a nation of women with vibrant, complex, and often "taboo" imaginations, living lives that are frequently exhausted and over-scheduled.

If you've ever felt "weird" for your desires, or if you've kept your biggest fantasy locked away because it felt too "un-ladylike" or too different from your suburban reality, know this: you are in very good company.

Whether it's a desire for more variety, a craving for surrender, or a quiet hope for a husband who can find the G-spot without a GPS, our fantasies are a map of what we're missing.

And sometimes, just acknowledging that the garden exists is the first step toward making the reality a little more magical.

Feature image: Getty.