'I worked at an escort agency for 7 years. There's one main reason women pay for sex.'

After seven years working behind the scenes at one of Australia's top escort agencies, I can tell you this: women don't pay for sex because they're desperate or dateless.

They pay because they're tired. Tired of dead-end dating app chats. Tired of mediocre hookups. Tired of sex that feels rushed, disconnected, or transactional in all the wrong ways.

These women weren't booking escorts because they couldn't get laid. They were booking because they wanted to feel wanted. To be touched. To be seen.

Watch: How to make foreplay better for women. Post continues below.

For some, it was about reclaiming their bodies after a sexless marriage or a messy divorce. Others were healing from trauma. A few told me that they'd never had an orgasm with a partner. And one thing became clear: they weren't just paying for pleasure. They were paying for presence.

Because unlike a Tinder date, an escort experience is negotiated in advance. There's no awkward small talk or worrying whether they'll disappear after dessert. The parameters are clear. The fantasy is defined. The context is set — and that's what makes it work. There's build-up. There's intention. There's plot.

That's what they were really craving. Not just sex. Story.

They wanted anticipation. The slow burn. The teasing glances. They wanted emotional connection, seductive tension, and a little (or a lot of) power play. Because here's the thing most people still don't get: for women, desire starts in the mind. We need to be in the right mood, the right headspace, the right fantasy.

This doesn't make us complicated. It makes us human.

It points to something I call the foreplay gap — and yes, it's very real.

We've all heard about the orgasm gap; the one that tells us straight women are having fewer orgasms than literally everyone else. But long before that bedroom letdown, there's another, quieter failure: the foreplay gap. It's the emotional, mental, and sensual warm-up that women often don't get — but absolutely need — to feel turned on.

Unlike most men, we don't just switch on. We need something to ignite the spark. We need plot, context, chemistry. We need a reason to want you.

And if you don't believe me? Just look at what we're reading.

Romance fiction — especially the spicy kind — is having a full-blown moment. BookTok is a sea of enemies-to-lovers tension, forbidden kisses, and morally grey men who would burn the world down for their heroines. In 2024 alone, romance sales jumped nine per cent. Seven of the top 10 bestselling fiction titles in Australia were romance novels. Most of them? Steamy as hell.

Why? Because these books do what porn rarely does: they centre female pleasure.

They're written mostly by women and queer authors, and they take their time. They understand the slow build. The smirk across the boardroom. The graze of fingers that lingers. The kind of banter that leaves you breathless and burning. These books are basically foreplay in prose form, and they're foreplay for the brain.

The fantasy isn't just the sex. It's the wanting. The being wanted. The tension that builds and builds and finally snaps. And that's what so many women are missing — not just in the bedroom, but in the dating world in general.

Listen: Overlooked, touched-out and too tired. That's how many women feel about sex. In this episode of Holly Recommends, Holly Wainwright speaks to author and advocate Leslie Morgan, to discuss what women need. Post continues below.

As someone who writes spicy romance, I can tell you this from both escort bookings and steamy books: women want to feel chosen. Desired. Respected — and yes, ruined.

We want power dynamics (the safe, consensual kind). We want characters who can hold their own in a battle of wills. We want the boss who secretly aches for us, the rival who can't stop thinking about us, the morally questionable anti-hero who'd kill for us but still asks for consent.

We want storylines where our pleasure isn't an afterthought — it's the whole plot.

Think about the tropes we devour:

• Enemies to lovers — because the slow burn is everything.

• Workplace romance — because HR would never approve, but our imagination does.

• Why choose? — because two (or three) hot men worshipping you? Yes, please.

• Fake dating, forced proximity, forbidden love — tension, tension, tension.

Whether in books or in the escort world, the theme is the same: women don't just want to get off. They want to be seen. They want their desires to matter. They want space to ask for what they like — and the confidence to receive it.

And let's be honest: most porn isn't teaching men how to give women that.

Romance novels, though? They've been doing it for decades. Showing women how to articulate desire. How to name boundaries. How to imagine pleasure as something you deserve, not just something you provide.

It's why I started writing romance. I wanted to write about women who owned their sexuality, who asked for what they wanted and got it. I write angst, kink, power-play, but always with emotional depth. Because the hottest scenes don't just come from positions and technique. They come from tension. From build-up. From the slow, electric shift from "shouldn't" to "can't help it."

When I say women want plot, I don't mean we're high maintenance. I mean foreplay has been overlooked. We want to be teased emotionally and physically. We want to feel safe enough to let go — and excited enough that we can't wait to.

And fantasy isn't frivolous. It's freeing. Spicy books aren't guilty pleasures — they're permission slips. They help us reconnect with our bodies, unlock our desires, and rewire the way we think about intimacy. They remind us that pleasure starts in the mind.

So, what do women really want?

We want story.

We want seduction.

We want to be the main character of our own fantasy.

And honestly? We deserve nothing less.

Mamamia cares about women's pleasure. For more stories that go there, start here:

• 28 women on what they wish their younger selves knew about sex.

• How to get out of a 'sex rut' in the roommate phase.

• Cluttered nightstands and checkered sheets: What your bedroom really says about your sex life.

Feature: Getty Images.