Mandy Nolan is a comedian, author and regular Mamamia contributor.
I have five children. The oldest is 24, the youngest is 10. Early on, I was a “hot mum” – I was hot in a time before Instagram.
No Insta-photos to like of me in a bikini with a child in a white singlet and amber beads wrapped around my lovely long legs. The only likes I got happened when I pushed my pram past building sites – they weren’t likes you wanted to monetise.
At my 10-year-old’s school, the next mum to my age is 12 years younger than me. It’s so depressing I don’t get out of the car. The other day I had to get a note from the office and a young mum spots me. “I love it when the grandmas pick up the kids.” How rude. Sadly she’s gone missing… or perhaps I have.
Turning 50 surprised me – people weren’t looking at me anymore. In the movie of life I was out of focus. How can I be the fattest I’ve ever been but no one can see me?
Last week I was ignored by a waitress in a bar to serve the man behind me. Yesterday someone nabbed my car space even though I had my indicator on. At home every morning I wrestle a mountain of unfolded washing and my kids just breeze past and pull out their socks and jocks.
I am 51. I have never been smarter, more experienced, more at the top of my game. Then why am I being overlooked?
I will not go peacefully. I will not go with dignity. I will not wear beige – the colour designed to erase us. Nope, no way. It’s time to get dangerous.