'This lie Joaquin Phoenix told in 2014 keeps me up at night.'

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Joaquin Phoenix is an acclaimed actor, superb singer and cinematic chameleon.

But he's also a huge weirdo — famously, so.

Of course, there was that time in 2008 when he did a series of TV interviews to convince the world's stage that he was retiring from acting to pursue a rap career.

It was later revealed that it was all an elaborate piece of performance art, orchestrated with director Casey Affleck for the 2010 mockumentary I'm Still Here.

In other bizarre interview moments, he's come across as evasive, confused and incoherent — but tbh, it's all part of the Joaquin Phoenix package.

You've just gotta love this kooky weirdo! Image: A24.

With plenty of awards buzz for his role in Eddington, it got me thinking about this enigmatic man. Or more specifically, one story he shared in an interview in 2014 that still occupies my every waking thought.

A story that's so bonkers, it couldn't be true — and it wasn't.

Phoenix appeared on The Late Show With David Letterman, and he decided to get down on the floor to show the host his newfound flexibility from doing yoga classes.

The actor is wriggling on the ground like a confused caterpillar when he spoke about a yoga teacher he encountered at class.

"We do these breathing exercises and I go, 'I can do this. It's pretty good.' And then she says, 'We are going to get into this first position, harnessing of the hog.' The harnessing of the hog, they have all these weird animal names.

"Before I can say, 'Who's the hog?' She grabs me."

Oh! Joaquin twists his body into a strange shape as a confused David watches on.

Watch the actor announce his engagement to David Letterman. Post continues after video.

"It's a compromising and vulnerable position," he states.

"She's pulling and thrusting me and I go, 'Oh no stop, my back is in pain.' And she goes, 'No. Emotional back pain.'"

Oh. Oh, okay.

Then things take a turn when Letterman asks about his relationship with the mysterious yogi master.

"This is the crazy part of the story — we started dating. And I think she's the one. I proposed to her and she said yes!" he beams.

"I don't know what that says about me. Nothing good, right?"

Wow. That story really escalated.

The news of the actor getting engaged to his nameless yoga teacher quickly made headlines around the world.

"It always happens when you least expect it, right?" wrote E! News. "Joaquin Phoenix stopped by The Late Show With David Letterman and dropped a bomb during his interview — he's engaged!"

"Big congratulations to actor Joaquin Phoenix, he has proposed to his girlfriend after she taught him how to 'harness his hog'," wrote Glamour UK.

"The 40-year-old actor proposed to his yoga instructor girlfriend, after she made him perform a complicated yoga move during a gym session. Oh, the romance."

I haven't been this invested in a love story since Joaquin dated his robot bride in Her. Image: Warner Bros.

But as quickly as the romance started, it stopped.

The next day, Phoenix appeared on Good Morning America to say he, umm… made the entire story up.

"I think my life's so boring and it seemed like something exciting to talk about, and I wanted the audience to like me," he said.

"They really like people getting married…. I can get engaged again, if you like?"

The actor denied ever doing yoga at all. Perfect!

As his PR person scrambled to explain the lie, they told The Independent that "Joaquin has an extraordinary and spontaneous sense of humour but it is not true. The whole thing was a joke."

I have so many questions.

Firstly, why? Secondly, what? Thirdly, huh?

Did this yoga teacher even exist? Was there even a hog to be harnessed? Why did you need to get David Letterman involved? Why couldn't you have told a story about a funny-looking bird you once saw, like the rest of us?

I know Dakota Johnson once lied about allegedly 'loving' limes, but this has gone too far!

I can totally relate to the urge to tell a silly story to fill a silence, even if it's partly fabricated, but this was a goddamn elaborate lie, Joaquin.

Sure, he's a born storyteller, but did there need to be so many layers to this lie: the yoga class, the colourful 'harness the hog' meet-cute, the wacky positions, and finally, the blossoming yogi-student love story that simply didn't happen.

Thankfully, Joaquin did actually get engaged in 2019 — for realz this time — to actress Rooney Mara, whom he met on the set of Her, and they have since welcomed a son River, named after his late brother.

Happy for them! But I still don't know why he lied about marrying his yoga teacher just five years earlier! Keep your secrets, Joaquin.

Feature image: CBS.