You don’t have to be a parent to understand how soul-destroying a child’s whine can be. No, the long high-pitched drawn out cry emitted, mainly by small children, translates to almost everyone. This is because it is very, VERY annoying.
Whining or as I like to call it, torture, is a method that has been cultivated and perfected over time with some kind of secret code that somehow has managed to span the generations. It’s like some secret fight club where children hand down their techniques to the new recruits, thus keeping the dream of breaking their parents will to live, alive.
To those of you who understand what I’m talking about and even those that don’t, I present you with this: The top ten reasons my child is whining.
1. I didn’t tie his shoelaces up tight enough.
Apparently, unless I cut off the blood supply to my son’s toes when I tie his shoelaces in the morning, I am not doing it right.
2. I wouldn’t let him eat BBQ Shapes in the bathtub
GOD, I know, how unreasonable of me. What kind of mother denies their child the baked deliciousness of unhealthy snacks when they are supposed to get clean and soaking in the tub?
3. I didn’t cut his toast the right way
“The right way” changes on a daily basis and my crime here was that I took the initiative and cut his toast into Soldiers instead of triangles.