'At 40, the decade ahead looked bleak and depressing. Then I stopped drinking.'

Last year, I wrote for Mamamia about how alcohol almost killed me.

About how, I'd pour my first glass of wine immediately after the school run, and how that would be followed by many, many more.

About how my health deteriorated so badly, I genuinely didn't know if I was going to make it. But that somehow I did, going completely sober at the age of 39.

As I turned 40, even though I was on the right path, the decade ahead looked bleak and dark. The idea of turning 50 was depressing and, quite frankly, unsightly. 

Watch: Here are just some of the effects after one year without drinking alcohol. Post continues after video.

But now, 10 years sober, I have been able to grow, reconnect with myself, and replenish the youthfulness that I had suffocated through self-medicating. Now I'm about to turn 50 and I'm filled with joy. Here are some of the lessons I've learned along the way. 

Happiness is an inside job.

Through social conditioning and influence, I was led to believe that in order to be happy, we need 'something' or for me, that 'someone'. The dark-haired, tall, handsome prince who rides in on his white horse and saves you from a life of poverty and despair. Because, god forbid, we can't live happily ever after on our own. 

For as long as I can remember, I had an underlying reliance on a relationship to give me a sense of purpose and self-worth. I believed that if 'he' loves me and cares for me, then I must be valuable. From a teen through to at least my early 40s, my happiness was largely based on the state of my relationships. 

Alcohol helped me to ignore when things weren't going right in those relationships. But the temporary warm and fuzzy feeling only lasts for so long and in the long-term, it means that your feel-good hormones are stunted and it's near impossible to feel joy. 

But here's the thing. Even when I had the 'good relationships' or found 'better aligned' partners, I still felt miserable more than I felt great. Learning to connect with my true self, and innermost desires was the key to finding my own sense of fulfillment and happiness. You've got to go inward first before you can find your way out.

Being unique is a bonus.

I've always felt different. My brain functions on imagination and then subsequently when my OCD kicks in, it becomes rumination. Some would describe me as a 'dreamer' but with a 'do-er' streak. And although I was relatively confident in my youth, I don't believe I really embraced the parts of me that didn't fit into mainstream thinking or doing. Openly stepping outside of the square required a lot of 'liquid courage' and inevitably that never ended well.

The real 'free spirited' elements of my personality were purposely suppressed to stay within the norm. In those parameters I felt safe, but eventually stifled to the point where I knew that I was being inauthentic to myself. Sober valiance has allowed me to embrace and embody all my idiosyncrasies. The 'you do you boo' millennial quote has become my inner mantra and I've never felt more in touch with my own aberrations. No bars held, no ifs or buts. The injustice to my authentic self is diabolic when your interactions are full of inhibition.

Your body is still pliable.

So many women (and men for that matter) are miserable with how their bodies present and will fault their age as the underlying issue. Without a shadow of a doubt, the physique I have today is not what it was at age 20 in terms of skin texture and laxity. But the shape and level of fitness is completely determined on how much effort and discipline I choose to insert. It requires time and a commitment to want to feel different. As a drinker I went from being bloated and overweight to a 46kg skeleton who could barely hold herself upright.

So many versions of my body were created during this period and all of them as a result of complete neglect and lack of self-care. I started taking 'conscious care' of my health after I left rehab at almost 40. I picked up weights, carefully chose foods that complimented my goals and created the body that I had always desired. It's dedication and aptitude that establish aesthetics, not age.

It's time to have FUN.

The exact time when this stopped, I can't really pinpoint, but somewhere along the line of life experiences, I became increasingly more measured in my behaviour. Alcohol allowed me to 'relax' somewhat and lose some minor inhibition, but once I was abusing it, spontaneity and merriment became totally absent. Any bliss it provided was fraudulent. Then it merely became about survival and I can assure you nothing in this phase was vaguely joyful. To supplement this, the responsibilities of being a wife and mother naturally removed some of my playfulness and the ability to connect to my inner child became near impossible.

In the last few years frankly, I feel like I have been surrendering to a little of my own Eat, Pray, Love venture. Healing from my own emotional crisis and reuniting with my girlish spirit. Holding less and less relevance on other's opinions and more and more on what I feel energetically I want to do.

Listen to Fill My Cup where Allira is joined by Sam Wilson, Founder of Sober Mates to share her story. Post continues below.

SEXY has no expiry date.

As a young person I had visualised what 50 looked like and I had never associated it with anything remotely positive. Middle aged, frumpy, past the use by date and definitely not sexually desirable. And whilst in active alcohol addiction, the narrative was even more dire. I distinctly remember one day coming to the actualisation that I had an inability to turn a single head. Male or female. Nobody was looking and why would they? I don't like me so why would they like me? I felt invisible and no amount of feminist talk will ever convince me that it's just how you feel on the inside that matters and quite frankly, if I relied on that only it would have been worse.

When I stopped drinking and started 'caring' for myself again, everything changed. The investment in myself reinforced my inner sense of worthiness which with time presented as self-assured and confident. Feeling sexy has nothing to do with a 'look or age' and everything to do with 'conviction'.   

The date on the calendar unveiling your chronological age is purely information, NOT your identity and living life vivaciously is a mindset shift.

Without a shadow of a doubt, giving up alcohol gave me my life back. It provided me with the ability to find myself with nothing other than the clearest of minds and although I still secretly hold my breath as I say the number out aloud, the 'five ohhhhhs' are looking to be some of my finest.

Feature Image: Instagram @jusswhitchurch.