'I thought it was my kids' homework. Then I read what my husband had written about me.'

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Almost every couple has that fight — the one where tensions finally bubble over and every little thought you've been holding back is finally laid bare.

It's the blow-up that forces a terrifying question: can we come back from this or is this the beginning of the end?

Tessa* and Sean's* happened thanks to an accidental discovery.

The mum-of-three stumbled upon notes from her husband to his therapist that completely shattered the foundation of their relationship.

"He left the notes on the kitchen table and from a glance it looked like one of our kids' school work so I flipped through to identify whose and before I knew it, I had seen sentences that I wish I hadn't and couldn't be unseen," she told Mamamia.

"If I knew what it was, I really wish I hadn't had looked."

It was homework, but of a different kind: an exercise for Sean in "irrational feelings". He'd penned his anger about Tessa being a stay-at-home mum and not bringing in enough income. Meanwhile, Tessa had assumed her husband understood all that she did for their family while he was at work.

"His comments about me were deeply hurtful," Tessa said.

"We have three teenage kids and his job means I'm solo-parenting Monday to Friday."

Watch: How to deal with trust issues. Post continues below.

Sean's words cut deep.

"I spiralled internally about it for a day then exploded," Tessa said.

"My husband was very upset that I had read it and felt betrayed. We went on a family holiday the next day and it was awful. We were publicly polite to each and privately very strained."

One year on, it's still a sore point.

"It's made me super sensitive," Tessa said. And caused her to confront a heartbreaking reality: "My husband really doesn't comprehend all that I do, when I thought he did".

"I actually think we probably need to talk to the therapist together to resolve it."

An unwanted answer.

For Sarah*, it started with a question she already knew the answer to.

She and her husband Charles* had gone months without having sex when she finally confronted him about it.

"I couldn't take it anymore," she told Mamamia.

"He told me it was because he wasn't attracted to me anymore because I had put on weight.

"I knew it was most likely going to be the answer he gave me but I had been too scared to hear those words out loud."

Sarah has been trying to lose weight, even starting weight-loss injections, but it's been a difficult process.

Listen to Mamamia's therapy podcast, This Is Why We Fight to hear from real couples, families and friends about why they fight.

Knowing that her gut was right all along, that she knew their lack of intimacy came back to her appearance, only made things harder.

"There were tears, a very emotional conversation on my end, anger on his end," Sarah said.

"The double standard for men and women in terms of ageing is f***ing ridiculous," Sarah said.

"He's no Adonis himself at this age, but I'm expected to still look 21 and like I haven't had three kids cut out of me."

Sarah said Charles claimed he doesn't expect her to look like her 21-year-old self anymore, but "someone's words mean nothing if their actions don't back them up".

"We go months without sex or any form of physical contact, not even hugs, so it's obviously still true for him," she said.

It's something they still haven't recovered from, and Sarah's not sure if they ever will.

Today, she has "one foot out the door" as she reconsiders what her future looks like.

"I'm still here for my kids," she said.

"I don't actually want to have sex with anyone else… I want him, which is maybe a bit sad. I don't know.

"If we were to divorce, I'm not interested in having another partner. I have sex toys and think I'd be quite happy single, to be honest."

Sarah has 'one foot out the door' of her relationship. (File image). Image: Canva.

Concerning consumption.

Maya* confronted Ben* when she finally hit her breaking point about his alcohol consumption.

It was affecting his behaviour and she was worried about his health.

"He would sometimes be an arsehole and smartass after too many," Maya said.

"It had been building up, I was keeping my mouth shut and then I let it all out."

"My pleas for him to cut back fell on deaf ears."

It was Mel Robbins' famous Let Them theory that helped her deal with it. If Ben wanted to neglect his health, Maya would let him.

Ultimately, a trip to the doctor revealed Ben had a high liver count — the catalyst for him to finally drink less.

Maya said the situation helped her let go of things beyond her control.

"We still do argue at times," she said. "I revisit 'let them' and move on."

Instead, she focuses on her own health — a move that's rubbed off on Ben, too.

The unwanted friend.

For Elin*, the fight came after her partner Jasper* went snooping on her phone and discovered messages with another man.

Elin says that's all it was: completely platonic messages with a friend.

"One whom I knew before I met my partner. [He] lives in another country, so all we do is message, sometimes call but rarely," she recalled.

Jasper questioned why Elin was still friends with him and said he didn't want the two in contact.

So, he issued her an ultimatum: "Stop talking to that friend or he was leaving."

"I said goodbye to the friend, [Jasper] stayed and our relationship got better," Elin said.

Elin said it's important to be thoughtful of your spouse's concerns, but she'd recommend people introduce their partners to their friends sooner so they can better understand the existing relationship.

Jasper passed away last year and Elin has since rekindled the friendship.

"We are just friends and we saw each other for the first time in 25 years just a few weeks ago," she said.

"Our kids got along great and I met his lovely wife. Yes, men and women can be friends."

*Names have been changed for privacy reasons.

Feature image: Getty.