A theory: You either have a velcro child or a bubble child.

In the 48 hours that followed the birth of my first child I lost all sense of independence. This little baby was stuck to me.

I.Could.Not.Put.Her.Down.

Every waking hour she wanted to be on her mama. It was exhausting. It was draining. And despite what I had read, it did the opposite of establishing a connection with my baby. I just needed space.

We had a difficult fourth trimester that resulted in not a lot of sleep and plenty of cuddles around the clock. She wouldn’t settle in her bassinet and my family helped take shifts through the night because the only way she (and I) could get a bit of sleep was if she snoozed away on someone’s chest.

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On a good day she’d let me strap her in the carrier to take a nap ‘on the go’ but as soon as I tried to transfer her she would wake up in a rage. My days were spent walking the streets for hours on end. I wasn’t sure what was going on - was I doing something wrong? Was I creating bad sleeping habits? Was my baby ok? Are my hips breaking?

In a late night feeding stupor I was scrolling TikTok when a video came up on my FYP. It was a mum opening up about her ‘velcro’ baby, a term used to describe an infant who is incredibly clingy and doesn’t like to be put down. BINGO! I had a velcro baby! In an instant the very thing that was making me feel so isolated as a first time mum had a name to it and a legion of other women who were experiencing the same things as me.

I clicked on the tag #velcrobaby and my eyes were opened to a community of parents who were in the trenches of having a stage three clinger. Great, I wasn’t the only one who had to go to the bathroom while clutching a newborn (hey, you gotta do what you gotta do).

As I dug deeper into this very common phenomenon I began to wonder, is there another side of the coin? 

In complete opposition to my velcro baby, were there a bunch of kids out there who had a clear motivation to be independent and forge their own way in the world? What if they weren’t overly fussed with endless hours cuddling but would rather be left to explore on their own terms? 

Just like there was a community of ‘velcro’ parents, was there a group of mothers dealing with overly independent children? My aching back spasmed at the thought of being baby carrier-free for just one day.

Enter: Stacey, mum to a very independent two-year-old. As she has waded her way through parenthood, she’s coined a very clever term. She unequivocally refers to her daughter as a ‘bubble child’.

“For me bubbles are the best analogy for these types of kids,” she told me. “They're impossible to pin down or catch in your hand, they're always floating off wherever the wind takes them!”

When Stacey first thought of the term ‘bubble child’ it instantly resonated with her. She had found the perfect way to describe her independent little girl.

“She is one of those toddlers that would happily stroll off and wouldn't really turn around to check where I am in a busy park,” she says.

“If I try to hold her hand, she slowly moves it away as if she's trying not to hurt my feelings.

“And she never falls asleep if I’m in the room - mostly because she’s a big stickybeak - but she prefers to doze off in her own space.” 

But it hasn’t always been this way between Stacey and her daughter. In fact, she knows all too well about what it means to be the mother of a velcro baby.

“My daughter was definitely a velcro baby as a newborn,” she says. “I ended up with tendonitis in my wrists because she wanted to be held so much - and I was happy to have the snuggles - but somewhere along the line she turned into the ultimate bubble baby.”

Having been on both sides, I had to know - what’s it like to be the mother of a baby who didn’t need or want to be attached at the hip all day long?

"A big part of me really misses the days when I had my baby glued to my chest,” she says. 

“When you have a child, time already feels like it's speeding by so fast, so now that she's so independent it can often feel like she doesn't need me as much. It definitely makes me really treasure the times when she slows down for a moment and wants a cuddle and I can give her my full love and attention.

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“I'm also incredibly proud every time I see her do something on her own, because I know that's the eventual goal as a parent - to set her up for a life where she is confident in herself, so hopefully it's a sign of things to come!"

Stacey’s experience has taught me what I’ve probably known all along but was too caught up in the negatives. 

Whether you have a velcro child or a bubble child: stop and be present in it. Feel it all - the good, the bad, the tug on your heart when your baby doesn’t need to hold your hand anymore and the touched out-ness of it all. I don’t want to miss a minute of it by getting bogged down in wishing for a different type of journey.

While I’ve spent all this time longing for a bubble baby I’ve forgotten what a privilege it is to experience these sticky parts of motherhood. Because one day I know she won’t need to feel my heartbeat as her head rests on chest as she dozes off. Soon she’ll be ready to explore the world with agency of her own - and I can’t wait to see her grab life with both hands.

But for now, I’ll let her stay stuck to me for a little bit longer until the velcro falls off.

Feature Image: Supplied