The day I lied about my children

I was in the queue at our local supermarket some time ago with my toddler twins and 8 year-old step-daughter. I had seen the woman who served us – Lily – before; that was the year I spent in Safeway for both groceries and company.

This particular morning my step-daughter had joined us and we were running late for a party for which we still had to buy a present. The boys were wriggly and irritable. I struggled to find my credit card as the twins howled, shredding Cruskit onto the floor. My step-daughter chattered on about which Little Miss mug might be most appropriate for her friend Jasmine. While she was espousing the merits of Little Miss Sunshine vis-a-vis Little Miss Giggle Lily leant across the counter and said,  ‘Your daughter, she’s very pretty. She looks just like you.’

Now, usually I explain. Usually I stop and explain that Madeleine is my step-daughter. Nip it in the bud, but in the chaos of that morning I let it slip, probably because I was now wading ankle-deep in soggy Cruskit, probably because the twins were straining at their harnesses like sniffer dogs, probably because Madeleine was rabbiting on about Little Miss Sunshine and probably, just probably because I hadn’t slept for 18 months and hell I was flattered that this woman might just think my gorgeous olive-skinned, bright-blued-eyed, button-nosed, bee-sting-lipped, whip-thin step-daughter and I could possibly be related. But mainly because sometimes I just can’t be bothered with the rigmarole and it was easier to smile and say ‘thank you’.

A few mornings later, I was back at Safeway with my sons and Lily asked after Madeleine. ‘Your daughter, is she at school today?  She’s very pretty.’

Now, the boys were asleep in the pram. Here was my moment to say ‘Oh she’s not my daughter, actually, she’s my step-daughter’. I could have added ‘I’m sorry, I misheard you on Saturday’ or even ‘It was so frantic I should have corrected you.’ Instead, what did I say?  ‘Yes. She is very pretty and she’s at school. Grade 3.’

Way to go. At once arrogant and deceitful.

‘Oh wow. You’re wonder mum,’ said Lily. ‘A grade 3 daughter and twins.’

‘Madeleine has a brother too,’ I added not wanting to exclude my step-son who is, after all, very much part of our family, and because having washed and fed four kids all weekend I really was feeling a bit like Wonder Mum, bless Lily for noticing.

And so the week continued. By now I was in far too deep to pull out. Lily trusted me and she trusted me as a customer who bought nappies, organic yoghurt and bread for my brood of four.  I didn’t lie. I just never corrected Lily’s assumption.

I knew things had gone officially too far, however, when Lily asked me one morning whether I had had natural births. I nearly choked. ‘No,’ I coughed, ‘the boys were Caesar.’ I mean, let’s face it. Lily works on the Nine Items or Less queue and I was a customer. Surely some discussions are off limits.

‘And the others?’

‘They were both natural births,’ I stated.

Just not mine.

Lily scanned the wipes.

‘Mine were cut,’ she said.

I never did get to set the record with Lily straight. It wasn’t too long after that that the twins worked out how to unclick their harnesses and I worked out how to place an order on colesonline. After all our shared confidences, Lily and I grew apart. I do still think about her though, and the cocktail of circumstances – the Cruskits and whinging and bluster which lead a frazzled mother down the path of pathological liar.

As we had made our way home from Safeway on that very first morning of Lily’s misunderstanding – a Little Miss Giggle mug wrapped in silver paper balancing on top of the pram – I had asked Madeleine whether she minded the way I’d handled the situation.

‘No,’ she said. ‘Sometimes it’s just easier.’

And it is – dishonest sure, but easier – at least in the short term.

Have you ever lied yourself out of a difficult situation?

Kim Kane is an author and a mother. She has written one novel, Pip: the story of Olive and two picture books The Vegetable Ark and Family Forest. She is currently working on a further two novels and a picture book.