THE BIG ISSUE: When is it OK to wee in front of others?

When was the last time you did a wee in front of someone?

If you’re a mother of a young child, it was probably today. If you’re the stay at home mother of a young child, it was definitely today and every day since they were born.

Toddlers and pre-schoolers aren’t familiar with the concept of privacy. They have no need for it and they don’t see why you would. Weeing in front of your kids is not something that I’ve ever seen divide a room. Whatever.

“You know you’re a parent when…”

But weeing in front of another adult? Different story. This week I discovered that I work with a group of women who are fairly polarised on this topic. What we all had in common however, was our fervent belief that anyone who behaved differently to us was a goddamn freak.

Of the women in our office aged 18-45, we fell into three main groups:

1. The frightened.

 “I can’t even pee when I know someone is in the stall next to me. I consider it a civil liberty to pee alone, without an audience of any kind. I hate when you both get caught in a stale mate and someone just needs to own the pee stream.”

“I have always been anti-peeing in front of anyone. Ever. I don’t pee in front of others. It’s not cool. But then my now-husband said it was weird and insisted that I learn to pee in front of him. (Not in front of in front of, just like, being in the bathroom at the same time). But APPARENTLY that is disgusting and I should be peeing in front of mates. Honestly. I’m so confused. I shall return to solo pees.”

“I have a very close friend, since child hood, and she is mortified at the thought anyone can hear her peeing so out at pubs etc, all her friends have learnt that we have to hum if we want to stay in the same bathroom as her.”

“I will never pee in front of anyone. I would almost rather get a UTI than have to pee in the bush. And I’ve NEVER pee’d in the ocean.”

“Just let me pee in peace. Alone. I’ll let all of my friends ahead of me in the nightclub toilet queue if it means I get to go in privacy.”

“No way will I ever pee in front of my husband and I have maintained that for 16 years.”

2. The moderately comfortable.

“Pee in front of friends and/or boyfriend acceptable. Poo is not.”

“Everyone is welcome in my cubicle.”

“Poo is never alright. Nor are tampon removals.”

“It’s okay to pee in front of close girlfriends. Just met you, not going to happen. Peeing in front of my mum and sister, yes (although they get embarrassed). Brother and Dad no. And no to husband. Pee’d in front of my nieces (5 & 7 yo) and felt weird.”

3. And the bold.

 “I will pee in front of anyone, basically. Well, people known to me: my friends, my family (female members only) and my boyfie. Share the wee, I say.”

“I was the only one to raise my hand about once peeing in the shower with my significant other. I have no boundaries with peeing with friends and family (well, females only). No pooing, no tampon extraction.”

“I always pee with friends. I used to get horrible stage fright, but now I embrace it. I credit my family taking me camping a lot as a kid that makes me open about peeing. I’ve had to pee in a lot of public places.”

“You can absolutely pee in front of your friends and your partner. Pee with the door open share that toilet space.”

“I have a friend who poos on the loo while her husband is in the shower. She told me that years ago and it’s still disturbed me. I have my limits.”

“I knew a couple that would poo in the same toilet without flushing and then compare.”

“I have very little shame, but I could put this down to sheer laziness. I rarely shut the door when I pee. I pee in front of my friends, significant others, sisters, mum, friendly strangers. I often pop squats, especially if I’ve had a few beers. I pee in lanes, against trees and in the ocean. The world is my toilet.”

But it’s the one who had never ever weed in front of a friend that most of us found the most baffling – and she us.

It was like tampon-gate all over again. You can read about that here.

This person – who we shall call Gladys – is in her 20s but says she grew up in a very private family. She doesn’t remember seeing her parents naked ever and hasn’t seen her sister nude since they were at kindergarten.

When she moved in with her boyfriend a couple of years ago, the mad scramble to get ready for work every morning combined with the single bathroom in their flat meant that things quickly got awkward.

Does moving in together change everything? For better or worse?

He told her she had to get over her problem with not weeing in front of people and that it was perfectly normal. Eventually – after many months of feeling too shy – she got used to it.

If he was shaving or showering and she was busting, then she would use the toilet in front of him.

This horrified many of us who insisted we would never wee in front of their partners. I was one of those women, even though my husband has seen three babies come out of my vagina.

“The embarrassing vagina story I never tell anyone.” Six women reveal all.

We discuss this at length on this week’s Mamamia podcast and I have to say, it was hilairious and enlightening both.

You can listen here.

Take a listen to my reasoning – and the counter argument. And weigh in because you KNOW YOU WANT TO.