What your favourite cheese says about you.

As a mumma it’s sometimes difficult to make new friends. Yes, there are mothers’ groups, play groups, activity play centres and library rhyme times but I dare say, we spend more time trying to ensure our child is not the one who cracks it or completes their toilet training on the astroturf, than actively using that time to try and befriend another mum. If by some miracle we do have time to strike up a conversation with another mumma, in between Dr Knickerbocker’s Rhythm of the hips, it doesn’t always result in a perfect friendship match.

Which is why after significant scientific research*, I’ve concluded that you can save time and identify mummy-friend candidates with just one simple, and completely loaded question: “What is your favourite cheese?”…

It is my hypothesis** that cheese preference reveals distinct personality types – especially mums – given cheese is the perfect reward for tucking the children in by 8pm and being able to see a quarter of your lounge room floor. I’m going to patent this and call it ‘Chinder’, so don’t steal, but I am very happy to share the six distinct personality profiles (again, significant research) with you.

So, I was just wondering, what’s your favourite cheese?

"Cheese is the perfect reward for tucking the children in by 8pm." Image via iStock.

1. Mumma Swiss.

Easy going, warm, and caring, Mumma Swiss is someone every new mum needs in their lives. She’ll bring a spare nappy, have baby wipes on hand and is kind, even-tempered, and very rational. When you’re having a bad day – she’ll give you a shoulder, a cuddle and a pep talk, and you’ll feel a million times better. She’s also always on time, and will pick the best spot in a restaurant to fit a stroller. Tick, tick and tick!

2. Mumma Cheddar.

Practical, sharp with a fabulous sense of humour, this mumma does not suffer fools – especially not the mothers’ group mafia. She’s independent, well read and is your go-to for a fuss-free friendship and advice. She’s also a tuckshop volunteer, on the P&C committee and similar to Mumma Swiss, she’s a wonderful shoulder to cry on when cereal hits the fan.

3. Mumma Haloumi.

This mum is your perfect partner for café-hopping. She’s always up for an all-day brekkie, a coffee, a catch up and people watching. She’s great company, has superb taste, and will introduce you to all the new quirky dining and child entertainment options in your suburb. Mumma Haloumi is a modern woman that will keep you on-trend.

Cheese? Yes please. Image via iStock.

4. Mumma Triple Brie.

Need a mumma to drink champagne with, read trashy magazines alongside and get your ‘nails did?’ Triple Brie is your girl. She loves excess, she loves pampering, she loves anything indulgent. And rightly so – being a mumma is hard work! Book a babysitter, head to your local day spa, put on soft-as-a-baby’s-bum towel slippers and prepare to discuss the Kardashians and the Real Housewives of… for HOURS. Yes please!

5. Mumma Blue cheese.

This mumma is bold, opinionated, likes to take risks, and someone who everyone wants in their corner. She’s not backward in coming forwards, so if your child gets the swing stolen from them at the playground, get out of the way – this mumma will right the wrong, and won’t mince words doing so. She is a loyal, exciting friend with loads of charisma – a true magnet for adventure.

It's always the perfect snack. Image via iStock.

6. Mumma Snacking cheese.

She’s organised, she’s practical and she’s got her priorities in order – this mumma won’t let screaming fits and shopping centre tantrums get in the way of ‘filling her own cup’. Amidst her kids’ several thousand extra-curricular commitments, she finds time to snack on the go, so spend time with her – she’ll show you how to balance it all, and, she’ll always have something in her purse ready for you too!

*May or may not have evolved following a glass of red wine one Friday evening when the little one went to bed. (Sample size = 1. Validity very high. Reliability very high.) F.A.C.T.S #science #photosynthesis #sciencetypewords
**Yes I’ve said hypothesis, but I’m 100% sure they’re true facts. Most things said after one glass of red wine, I’m certain, are.

How do you enjoy your favourite cheese?