At a dinner party, how much is too much to ask the guests to bring?

Welcome to ‘What Would You Do?’, the space on Mamamia where you can contact me with your problems about anything and everything and ask me, well, what I would do. Consider it my selfless Oprah-esque gift to all of humanity. You’re welcome.

But be warned, I’m not one to beat around the bush. I tell it like it is. I call ‘em like I see ‘em. I’m a straight shooter. Cliche cliche etc etc sassy advice cliche.

Let’s get into it:

Dear Rosie,

A couple I know recently invited me to a dinner party at their place. The invitation (via email) asked that I  bring enough dessert for 10 people, which I thought was strange, but I did it anyway.

When I arrived, everyone else on the invite list had also brought something, and after some sneaky discussion, we all realised that we had basically catered the entire party. Even the main course had been covered!

So, is that fair? The only thing the hosts of the dinner party had provided for their own dinner party was their house. Should I pull them up on it?

What would you do?

I’ll tell you what I’d do, my friend. I’d totally follow this innovative couple’s lead. They basically just figured out how to socialise without having to a) spend money and b) leave their house. I think maybe you’re just a little jealous that you didn’t think of it first.

These two may just be the ultimate geniuses of our time. Imagine every time you socialise being effortless, easy and perfect? With everything provided and only the friends you want to see? I’d jump on that brilliant bandwagon ASAP dude, and you should do the same.

In fact, I think I’m going to organise a dinner party at my house, following this new philosophy called ‘Everybody Doing Everything For Me Just The Way I Like It’.

I’m going to start by emailing my 10 3 closest only friends and telling them that I’m throwing them a dinner party at my place. All they have to bring is themselves, and

1) dinner (my favourite food – so ice cream with Ice Magic)

2) wine (I have the sophisticated palate of a 15-year-old girl, so any wine I drink must be fizzy and must taste like a fruit cocktail popper)

3) dessert (probably just more ice cream with Ice Magic)

4) dinner plates/cutlery/glasses/etc (cleaning is for punks)

5) prepared and thoroughly researched topics of conversation that I enjoy (TV shows I like, old stories they remember about me where I’ve been particularly endearing/charming/hilarious, how my ex-boyfriends have weird-shaped penises etc)

6) music that I like to listen to (anything from any musical, any 90s boyband except for Human Nature, Mariah Carey – but ONLY the ballads)

7) something to play music on (at a reasonable volume because I’m not Miley Cyrus and this isn’t a club with a trendy disco ball shaped like saggy testicles [why youth of today? WHY?]. When I tell hilarious jokes I like people to be able to hear them, so keep it down)

8) a movie I would like to watch

9) a better TV than the one I own to watch said movie on

10) probably a better couch than the one I own to sit on

11) pyjamas for everybody to wear (because I would like to wear pyjamas and I don’t want to feel random being the only person wearing pyjamas)

This actually sounds amazing. I can basically invite people over to sit with me while I drink wine in my pyjamas and watch TV. If I play this just right, I may never have to leave the house again. Excuse me while I copy/paste this list and email it to my friends right now. Thank your genius friends for me.

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If you want Rosie’s advice on something, email her at rosie@mamamia.com.au and put “What would you do?” in the subject line. Of course it will all be completely anonymous. And she’ll only judge you behind your back.