A frog, if dumped into a pot of hot water, will immediately jump out. But if it’s placed in cold water, it will remain in place as the heat gradually increases to boiling point — and that can ultimately be fatal.
There was a time, a few years ago, when I was at the uncomfortably-warm-water stage. And just like an unsuspecting frog in a pan, I had no idea how close to danger I was.
When I was fresh out of my teen years, I found myself living with a man I’d only known for a few weeks and making excuses for behaviour I would have loudly called out just a year before.
So my boyfriend got drunk and verbally lashed out in front of my friends? He never did hold his booze very well, I justified.
So he had a fully-fledged, door-slamming tantrum because my girlfriends and I didn’t want to switch our TV channel to Top Gun when he came home? Yeah, he’s just temperamental.
So he told me my ‘slutty’ dress must be a bid to attract attention? Oh, he cares so deeply that he can’t help getting jealous.
So my windscreen was mysteriously smashed during one of his bad moods? What weird, bad luck.
Related: An open letter to my friend in an abusive relationship.
Any relationships expert will tell you the severity and frequency of abusive behaviours escalate over time, and that early red flags like name-calling, isolation from loved ones, and controlling tendencies can evolve into full-blown emotional, verbal and physical abuse.