"I had no idea that my son was being cyber bullied."

By JO ABI

I grew up playing lots of video games, so when my boys started playing them, I didn’t think of it as a huge deal.

Philip is 10 and is a total and complete Minecraft addict. He has it on our PC, on his iPod and on our X-Box. He and his little brother also have the Minecraft Papercraft kits and the associated toys. It’s a game based on building worlds. What can be wrong with that? It’s much better than the combative and violent games some of their friends are allowed to play. It’s perfectly safe.

Or so I thought.

I could see Philip playing Minecraft on our computer – safely located in our family area as recommended by the online safety expert who had recently visited the school – and he seemed to be getting incredibly frustrated.

Just FYI, you should know that this post is sponsored by Bully Stoppers. But all opinions expressed are 100% authentic and written in the author’s own words.

“What’s wrong,” I asked him.

“Nothing Mum,” he said, clearly frustrated.

I shrugged my shoulders and got back to making dinner. A few minutes later I walked back out to check on him but the computer had been shut down. I found him in his room crying.

“It’s just a game Philip,” I said, exasperated. “Why do you get so upset over a game?”

“They told me to kill myself and then they all ganged up on me and killed me,” he said.

“What do you mean?” I was shocked.

“I was playing multi-player and they started saying really mean things to me like I should die and I suck. I hate them Mum.

I consoled him as best I could but when he’d calmed down and had a proper chat it turned out that he’d been playing multi-player Minecraft – whereby kids from around the local area, country and world – can hook up and verse each other or better yet, form a team and fight together.

There is fighting in multi-player Minecraft.

And far from being an innocent game in which young boys build worlds, for my son it had turned out to be an increasingly sinister experience during which he was mercilessly bullied.

I had absolutely no idea.

I thought I was an incredibly savvy parent when it came to online bullying. I had done all the right things to keep my kids safe, or so I thought. But the problem with keeping kids safe online is that the technology is developing so quickly that our children are becoming vulnerable before we even realise it.

What I thought was an innocent and maybe even educational online experience for my son had turned into a nightmare.

I was really disturbed by how affected Philip became by his treatment online. My son is a confident, funny boy who loves making fun of himself. But weeks of persistent bullying online had left him crying like a baby. He felt bad about himself. He felt like a failure. He felt hard-done-by and he felt powerless.

There’s only so much we can do to protect our children online, and the rest is about empowering them. To do this we need to not only monitor their online activity as best we can, but we need to keep our eyes and ears open. Had I paid a bit more attention I would have realised he was accessing multi-player and we could have discussed how to protect him, as we have done when he’s signed up to other online sites that let the entire world creep into our home.

Keep up the conversation with your kids about how they should be treated online and keep educating yourself. There’s plenty of information out there for you.

I am just glad to have the opportunity to further equip my son with the skills to deflect some of the nonsense he is exposed to.

How would you handle it if your child was being bullied online?

Scroll through our gallery of tips for keeping kids safe online… 

Bullying is a serious issue for everyone in a school community. It can happen anywhere, any time, and can have devastating consequences. Bully Stoppers supports students, parents, teachers and principals in working together to make sure schools are safe and supportive places, where everyone is empowered to help reduce the incidence of bullying and cyberbullying in Victorian schools.

Most kids won’t talk about being cyberbullied. And if you don’t know you can’t help. So visit the Bully Stoppers website to get the tools and resources you need to help your child deal with cyberbullying.

www.education.vic.gov.au/bullystoppers