"I was a witness to domestic violence last night, and I did nothing."

Last night I heard a domestic dispute.

“Domestic dispute” is probably what it would be called in a police incident report, but the polite phrase doesn’t do justice to the violent screaming I heard. A man was roaring vile words at a woman, calling her a “c**t”, and “look what you make me do”, and the woman was screaming in apparent terror.

I was safe behind the locked door of my AirBnb apartment in central Sydney, and yet I didn’t call the police.

Sitting here today, it is difficult to explain exactly why I didn’t make that call. I was alone in a strange city for the first time and I didn’t know anyone, so I was scared. I had seen some rough-looking people around the apartment complex, and I was mostly afraid that if I did call the police to report the dispute, I would somehow be identified. Perhaps the police officers would come up to my apartment to talk to me, and everyone would know that it was me; that I was the snitch.

So I didn’t. It ended pretty quickly, and I wasn’t sure where it was happening – in the building, or in the street below, so it’s likely the police wouldn’t have been able to do much anyway. Or perhaps I’m telling myself that to ease my own guilt. I didn’t witness any physical violence, but the sounds were enough to know that this was not a healthy relationship. I can only hope that it ended in her getting away and staying the night at a friend’s house, a safe place, and ideally never going back to him. I know that’s unlikely though.

On average, a woman in an abusive relationship will leave seven times before the final time, and she’s in the most danger immediately after leaving. While I don’t know for sure whether calling the police last night would have made any difference, there’s a chance it would have been a wake-up call, given her access to relevant services, or at the very least put it on record in case something bad happens in future.

Having done some research since the incident, I now know it is possible to remain anonymous when calling 000 in an emergency or domestic abuse can be reported anonymously through Crime Stoppers in a non-emergency. I hope I never again see or hear an incident like the one I witnessed last night, but if I do I won’t question myself before calling the police.

Domestic violence is killing Australian women at an alarming rate, and I feel terrible that I turned a blind eye to it.

We need to ensure we’re sending a clear message to perpetrators that violence against women is unacceptable, and reporting it when we witness it is something we can all do.

If this post has brought up any issues for you, the following services may be helpful:

1800RESPECT

Crime Stoppers: 1800 333 000