'I've spoken to hundreds of teenage girls. There's one thing they all want from their parents.'

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Working with teenage girls has been one of the most rewarding and revealing experiences of my life. Again and again, I hear the same clear message: "just listen to us."

It's not fix us. Not lecture us. Just be there.

After eight years of sitting in circles with teenage girls through my charity, The Flourish Journey, I've heard it all; the heartbreak, the wisdom, the overwhelm, the kindness.

The moments they feel invisible, misunderstood, or like no one's really listening, not even the people who love them most.

Teenage girls are standing at a threshold. They're no longer little kids (even though they'll always be in their parents' eyes), and they're not yet adults. They're in the messy, beautiful in-between, figuring out who they are and how they fit into the world.

Watch: How to tell your child bad news. Post continues below. 

One thing they're craving more than perfect advice or curated guidance is presence.

They want to be heard, not handled.

In one of our recent workshops, I asked a group of girls what they wished they could tell their parents. Here's what they said:

• "We just want to live our lives."

• "This is our first time trying things."

• "Adults think we can't handle stuff, but we can."

They don't want you to step back. But they do want you to step into a different kind of relationship, one that holds space instead of holding control.

They're asking for compassion, trust, and room to experiment. They know they won't always get it right. They're not asking for blind faith. They're asking for a chance to figure it out without feeling like failures.

Why listening matters more than lectures.

Teenage girls are often underestimated. They're told who to be, what to wear, how to act, and what's "appropriate."

They're trying to find their voice in a world that keeps handing them scripts.

But when you sit with them — really sit — something shifts.

When one brave girl shares how she feels and she's not corrected or dismissed when she's met with presence instead of panic, the whole room exhales.

Teen girls want to be heard, not handled. Image: Getty.

That's when trust is built.

Not from being the perfect parent but from being the present one.

I've walked out of countless workshops thinking, "Why can't more adults see what I see?"

These girls are thoughtful, intuitive, deeply wise, but too often, they don't feel safe enough to show it.

If she isn't opening up, start small.

If your daughter isn't sharing much, it doesn't mean she doesn't trust you. It just means trust takes time.

It's built in micro-moments. These can be as simple as a check-in on how her day really was, or asking what she'd like to do together, and doing it, letting her pick the music and respecting her silence.

You can't force a flower to flourish by pulling at it. But, you can create the right environment for it to feel safe enough to grow.

And if your daughter often seems angry, reactive, or even lashes out at you, just know that there's almost always more going on beneath the surface.

You're her family. That means (consciously or subconsciously) you're also her safest place to channel the big, messy feelings she doesn't yet know how to process.

It's not personal. It's an emotional overflow.

I often find that the "sassy" girls, the bullies, or the ones who seem defiant … are actually carrying a lot.

They just wear a mask that protects them. And what they really need isn't more discipline or distance, it's patience. Curiosity. Space to peel back the layers, slowly and safely, over time.

Even when she says she wants space, respect that. Trust her. And if you're concerned, see if there's another trusted adult she could talk to, or gently explore whether a therapist or mental health support could help.

The power of your presence

We often ask girls who their role models are.

A lot of the time, it's you.

Their mum. Or a mum-like figure.

Even if they roll their eyes or act distant, they care about what you think more than you realise.

But sometimes, they're scared to open up because they don't want to disappoint you. Or be judged. Or feel like their struggles will be "solved" instead of seen.

One girl once said to me:

"I just wish my mum would stop trying to fix me and just ask how I'm really going."

That's the invitation — to be the place they can land not the person who always has the answers.

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Final thought: Build connection, not control.

It's a powerful moment when someone feels truly seen, not labelled or diagnosed or put into a box, but understood.

The same is true for your daughter.

She doesn't need you to be perfect.

She needs you to be present.

To listen without interrupting.

To care without controlling.

To trust that even if she stumbles, she's learning and she's watching you for how to handle it.

Because love isn't about fixing.

It's about holding space for someone to become who they're meant to be.

And she's becoming. Every single day.

Feature Image: Getty