What really changes when you have a baby

If baby adverts were to depict a true reflection of life with a newborn they would certainly be different.  For starters, a new mum would NEVER be shown wearing white, there would be no glowing hazy light emanating around her and it is highly unlikely that she would be looking overjoyed at the chore of changing yet another exploded nappy whilst being handed the wipes by a compliant and smiling husband.  

No, the reality would actually be more along the lines of a bedraggled sleep deprived mum covered in puke rolling her eyes in exasperation. The only hazy glow may be that emanating from the luminous clock on the night stand reading 2am, and the not so compliant husband would be nowhere in sight having been banished to the couch for yet another night following a humdinger of an argument.

For this is the thing: Having a baby is akin to a non-swimmer jumping into the end of a pool with no floaties. However, adjusting to just a few of the changes in lifestyle that a new addition brings to you as a couple, is another matter altogether.

Sex

Remember those nights filled with passion? Remember the hours that you spent planning out the best outfit to seduce your other half? Remember the shaved legs and, not to mention, the shaved lady parts?  Well, now that you have remembered them….forget them!  Because they are gone! 

Once baby arrives you can guarantee that your nights of passion will instead be replaced with nights where the only thing you long for is more than 4 hours sleep in a row.  Nights where the only thing that is being poked in the bed is your husband’s back as you aim to rouse him from his deep sleep to attend to the screaming child.  And, nights where whispered sweet nothings of ‘it’s your turn’ no longer refer to a reciprocal oral favour!

Money & Luxuries

Despite trying to adopt your best child like attitude and make believe that money grows on trees, sadly we all know that the reality is that this is indeed not the case, and never does it become more apparent than when your little one crashes the ‘couples only’ party.  With constant diva like demands for surplus wet wipes, bibs, bottles, nappies and a seemingly never ending variety of soft toys, money starts to resemble sand running through an hour glass.  Although this particular brand of hour glass is faulty and has a hole in it! 

Luxurious department shopping is replaced with a feverish hunger for anything with SALE written on it, buying in bulk is the new Chanel and a flash dinner out is the local pub’s $12 Wednesday Chicken Snitzel special.  The one that has to be served and eaten before 6:30pm mind!  Because trust me, anything past that classifies as a late night.

Nightlife

Of course, whilst there will be plenty of late nights initially, what with the newest and youngest member of the clan having the energy to stay awake and party at all hours, nightlife as you previously knew it will no longer be the same. 

Nights of hardcore drinking and partying can safely be disposed of in the bin alongside your cherub’s nappies, as no longer will you have either the time, inclination or energy to partake. Instead you will both relish in nights spent in in front of the tv complete with greasy take away (and most likely greasy hair), with the only goal being that you would like to make it through to see the end of the film. 

Arguments

Whilst you may well have thought that you never really argued much before the delivery from the stork, be rest assured that research and experience has shown that arguments between couples increase substantially on arrival of a new family addition.  Not only does stress and tension play a part in triggering arguments at the best of times, but add in a dash of screaming child, a huge dollop of sleep deprivation and a spoonful of colic and you have the perfect recipe for arguments of volcanic proportions to erupt!

Jo is a 30 something wannabe yummy Mummy living in Sydney.  If she had free time she would enjoy eating chocolate, thinking about dieting, eating ice-cream, pondering over gym memberships and drinking alcohol! You can check out her blog at here or follow her on twitter at @hartley_jo