'The "bridge theory" explains all of my failed friendships.'

I'll admit it, I have "theory" fatigue. These days, it seems that everything in our lives needs to be analysed, reduced to a "theory" or a "law." It's no longer "feeling burnt out," it's the "April Theory." It's not just instantly clicking with someone, it's the "colour theory."

It's exhausting.

Don't get me wrong, no one is more guilty of this than I am. I've relied on maaaaany theories to make sense of the world. But, eventually, I hit my tether. It was time for a self-analysis hiatus.

So when I came across something called "the bridge theory" on TikTok, I was prepared to roll my eyes and promptly scroll on to watch my 300th edit of Conrad Fisher in The Summer I Turned Pretty.

And yet, inevitably, my curiosity won out, and I read the post. Here's what it said:

"The bridge theory: Some people weren't meant to stay. They were just the bridge. They helped you cross from who you were to who you needed to become."

Just like that, I was roped back into the world of theories! Please, wise TikTok, tell me how I feel. Diagnose every interaction! I'm sorry I ever doubted you!

Watch: The bridge theory, explained. Post continues after video.

The post, from @missionofthesoul, went on to clarify that "bridge friends" aren't necessarily bad, they're just transitional. 

"Some people are chapters, not the whole book. Don't chase what's already served its purpose. Honour the bridge. But keep walking."

As someone who has struggled with change throughout my life, it certainly made me stop and think about my own relationships. I used to think that any lost connection was a failure; a blight on my ability to maintain friendships. 

It wasn't until I learnt of something called the "last meeting theory' (yes another theory, I'm a creature of habit!), that I gave myself some grace. That theory is the idea that once you and someone else have fulfilled your purpose in each other's lives, the universe ensures you never reconnect.

The "bridge theory" reminded me of the "last meeting theory." But while the latter is defined by a sense of finality and closure, the "bridge theory" suggests that it's your personal growth, and how you carry it to the next stage of life, that defines the relationship. It seemed poignant.

"Honour the bridge, but keep walking" - and this is why the bridge theory hits home. Image: Getty,

I have long-time friends that have seen me through every stage of life. Every bad fashion choice. Every tattoo. Every failed date. Every job. And I've also had friends anchored to particular stages, ones that don't move onto the next season. Ones that I associate with a certain haircut. Or a certain location. I can distinguish between who I was with them and who I am now, and the ways in which they influenced that transition.

After I initially read the post, before I got carried away and joined the flood of TikTok comments hyping up the theory, I wanted to get an expert's take.

"I think there's a lot of validity to it," psychologist Carly Dober told me when I asked her about the idea of a "bridge friendship."

Another win for online theories!

Listen: The questionable brilliance of the 'Lemon Law'. Post continues below.

"I think we're often sold a bit of a fairytale that you're a failure, or the relationship failed, if you're not in someone's life forever, but that's absolutely not the case," Dober continued. "We change so much, other people change so much throughout the course of our entire lives."

Of course, that's not to say that all of our friendships should be a revolving door.

"It's important to maintain strong, positive relationships. And it is a good sign that someone has really good interpersonal relationship skills if they have strong long-term relationships," Dober said. "But, at the same time, not every relationship will be with us forever."

It's true. But the thought that someone might not be around forever used to frighten the hell out of me. How can you tell if a connection is for good, or doomed for heartbreak?

According to Dober, recognising whether someone is a "bridge friend" in the moment can be difficult.

"Even sometimes when friendships do end, sometimes they can come back into your life," the psychologist said. "So, I think it's really difficult to foretell that."

But, she added, there are some potential signs.

"They might just be a party friend, where you see each other sporadically just to go out and have a good time. Nothing wrong with that, but that might indicate that they might not be a long-term friend," she said.

"Or you only catch up with them every couple of months or once a year, and you're feeling like there might be less and less in common as time passes. The friends where it picks up like no time has passed, that's probably like a sign that it is a long-term thing. But if it feels like you lose more and more footing, that could be an indication that they might be a bridge friend."

While these could be "small indicators", Dober stressed that each friendship is different, so identifying bridge connections is "almost impossible".

At the end of the day, knowing whether someone is a bridge friend while they're still in your life seems to defeat the purpose. If I knew a connection had an expiration date, would I conduct myself differently? Would it change the way I was evolving as a person? I think yes, and not necessarily in a good way.

Sure, it means that the grief of losing a connection may hit harder, but to experience each season fully is integral to our growth.

"Being a bridge friend doesn't mean that the loss feels any less, or it's still not sad," said Dober. "Grieve it, feel it, and think of what went well in the relationship, what they taught you, what you taught them.

"If, unfortunately, something not ideal occurred on your side or their side, think of how you might do things differently with other relationships that come into your life."

My "bridge friends" only got to see certain versions of me, but they helped shape the next version of me in ways they might never know. And I hope I've done the same for them. It gives me comfort knowing that each connection, no matter how temporary, has served a purpose.

I just wish some of my "bridge friends" could see that I make much better fashion choices these days. But, alas.

Feature Image: Getty.