SEALED SECTION: The night I ended my marriage a man 10 years younger than me rimmed me.

Warning: This post deals with graphic descriptions of sex and will not be suitable for all readers. 

The night that my ex-husband and I sold our house and finalised the marital dissolution agreement and the permanent parenting plan, a man 10 years younger than me rimmed me.

I hadn’t intended to get rimmed that night. I had intended to get coffee with this young guy who had been badgering me for a date for months.

My ex-husband sobbed during nearly the entire home selling process. Our realtor, who had bought and sold two houses with us, whom we had known personally for years, cried with him.

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Conversely, I clutched my thighs and tried to still my shaking legs, barely containing how excited I was. I had filed for divorce in January, and it was now October. I was ready to move on with my life, to have all of the insanity and awfulness that resulted in our divorce and then the subsequent bickering and fatiguing decision-making that happened between filing and finalising to officially end. I was ready.

I did feel sad for my ex-husband, but it wasn’t my place anymore to comfort him. I think until that moment, it hadn’t felt real to him like maybe we’d get back together again at any moment, but it had felt very real to me for months, and I was ready to be done. Ready to be divorced instead of just separated.

After all the paperwork had been signed, our realtor consoled my ex-husband in the parking lot, and I drove to the coffee shop to meet this younger man.

I had no idea that hours later he would get me into bed and the first thing he would do was flip me over and toss my salad.

“Is this okay?” he asked me.

“Sure?” I said tentatively.

This was not the first time I’d been rimmed before, nor was it the last, but I was struck by it being his first move when he got me into bed.

“Wasn’t that ballsy?” I told a friend later. “I mean, there are other places to start and then work up to that…”

“It must be because he’s a millennial,” she said. “They love their assplay.”

She’s not wrong, I found. A 2017 survey of over 3,000 sexually active millennials found that “36% of millennials have female anal sex and 15% have male anal sex at least some of the time.”

Anilingus is on the rise, and it would make sense that millennials would lead the charge since it brings with it de-gendered sex roles and a healthy push back against heteronormative sex.

Rimming is just one more thing you can add to your sexual toolbox. It’s not something I or my partner do every time, but it spices things up if things have been a little too vanilla or if either one of us is craving it.

If you’re on the receiving end, it feels good. It’s an entirely different sensation for me than cunnilingus. There’s something dirty and shameful about it (which makes it more exciting), but also it just feels… nice. There are a lot of nerve endings there, and people often hold a lot of tension there too. When that part of the body relaxes, it’s a whole new level of relaxation and openness. That’s also an area of the body that gets a lot of flack and roughness, so it’s nice for it to get some kisses instead.

For those of us that didn’t start having sex in the anal era, it can be a little disorienting, so here’s your very own simple guide to receiving and performing the act.

If you are receiving:

1. Give consent.

Always make sure that you and your partner are comfortable and willing to participate, and communicate that with your partner.

2. Be clean.

You or your partner should check and/or wash themselves. Cleanliness is next to godliness, folks, and particularly when someone is sticking their tongue where the sun don’t shine.

3. Shave.

In the second episode of the show Shrill, the main character Annie talks to some strippers about wearing a thong.

“I was thinking I’ve never worn a thong before and I don’t know. I just feel like it would drive me insane and like I’d be worried I was going to get my poop on it.”

“You don’t wear a thong unless you have a waxed asshole,” the one grinding against the pole says.

Another one pipes up, “If you have a waxed asshole, then you can’t get poop on it.”

The pole grinder goes on to say, “You have a cup of pudding and you dump it on a smooth nice countertop and then you wipe it up. And then you dump that pudding on grass. What do you got?”

Poop talk aside, if you or your partner is wanting to get rimmed, shaving or getting waxed back there will greatly improve how clean you are.

4. Be communicative.

Whether it’s a moan or an “ow!” make sure you’re communicating to your partner what you do and don’t like.

Listen to Mamamia’s sex podcast, Sealed Section, where hosts Rachel Corbett, Samantha X & Dr. Lauren Rosewarne discuss all things anal. Post continues below. 

If you’re giving:

1. Get consent.

Consent is sex, seriously. Good sex is often spontaneous, but if you’re trying something completely new, do ask if it’s okay or check-in with your partner before. If you surprise your partner with something like this, it could mean that they might immediately tense up and have trouble enjoying it if they haven’t prepared themselves. They also may not be into it at all, and just to be clear, no means no.

2. Tongue.

Simply lick up and down and all around. You can vary this by also poking in your tongue a little. See how your partner responds and change up accordingly.

Also, be aware that you cannot lick the pussy after you’ve licked the ass unless you want to give your lady an infection.

3. Use plenty of saliva.

Whatever you’re doing with your tongue and your mouth, make sure you’re using saliva. There’s no natural lubrication back there, so the wetter, the better.

2019 is the time to be more sexually adventurous, and millennials have the right idea: try new things, even if it means you’ve got to go a little (or a lot) outside of your comfort zone. Either way, add rimming to your sexual toolbox!

This article originally appeared on Medium and has been republished with full permission.

Tara Blair Ball is a memoirist and freelance writer. For more from Tara, you can read her memoir, The Beginning of the End, now available for sale on Amazon, find her website here, or on Twitter: @taraincognito.