'I thought I was just fussy about who I dated. Then I learned about demisexuality.'

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When Belinda Gavin first read the word demisexual, something inside her clicked.

"For me, demisexuality is like waiting for Wi-Fi to connect. I don't get hooked instantly, but once the signal is strong, aka, I've built a real connection, then I'm all in," she told Mamamia.

"I first realised I wasn't about that 'see someone cute, jump into bed' life, but more like 'let's talk about our feelings first, then maybe I'll be interested.' It took some time to realise I'm not just picky, I'm just wired differently."

Belinda had spent years trying to fit herself into a dating world that never quite felt right.

Watch: Emily Vernem asked Chatgpt to decode her dating texts. Post continues after video.

"Honestly, it was a lot like trying to find a good pair of jeans. It took some trial and error, and a lot of trying to squeeze myself into mainstream expectations," she said.

"When I finally read about demisexuality, it was like, 'Wow, that's literally me!' Suddenly, everything clicked, and I felt like I'd just found the cheat code to understanding myself."

What is demisexuality?

According to psychologist Phoebe Rogers, demisexuality sits under the asexuality spectrum.

"Demisexuals only feel sexual attraction to another once an emotional connection is formed with another," explained Rogers.

"It is part of asexuality where there's little or no desire to have sex, though it is a spectrum, so there are individual differences in sexual desire and how often one may have sex.

"Sexual desire and attraction are experienced in response to and once a strong emotional connection has been formed with another, demisexuals may feel attracted to diverse individuals.

"What matters most is the emotional connection. The important thing is that it is not a choice, it's an innate trait or quality of an individual."

The many misconceptions.

Like many variations of sexuality, Belinda says there are many misconceptions about what it means to be demisexual.

For starters, she's no prude, currently working as the event manager at sxhibition.com.au.

"People often think I'm just socially awkward or that I don't like sex at all, which isn't true," said Belinda.

"It's more about how I get attracted, slow and steady wins the race, not 'instant spark' like in Hollywood movies. No, I'm not a robot, I just think intimacy is better when it's genuine."

And while dating apps are built on instant chemistry, she finds they rarely suit her.

"Oh boy, dating apps are like trying to watch a sitcom with no remote, frustrating and often disconnected," Belinda said.

"Swiping left, right, up, down. It's not a slow burn, it's a no-fun-allowed rapid-fire. So, yes, I often have to clarify early on I'm not 'looking for something casual,' because that's not how I work."

While there's limited research on how many people identify as demisexual, visibility is increasing. The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN), one of the world's largest communities for asexual-spectrum identities, had more than 135,000 members in 2021.

Research suggests younger generations are increasingly embracing diverse labels for their sexuality. A 2024 Ipsos poll across 26 countries found that 17 per cent of Gen Z identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community, compared with 7 per cent of Baby Boomers.

While demisexuality is just one identity within that spectrum, the growth shows more people are searching for language that reflects their lived reality.

"You don't need it all figured out."

For Belinda, being demisexual has reshaped the way she approaches intimacy.

"It's made me take things slow, which, surprisingly, is good for everyone involved. I value emotional intimacy more than a quick fling, leading to deeper connections and fewer awkward 'so what are we?' conversations. Plus, I don't get bored as easily when I actually know the person," she explained.

But she says, there is strong pressure to conform.

"Absolutely. Sometimes I feel like I'm from a different era, like the only acceptable story is 'I saw this person, immediately wanted to date, and then wanted to marry them.' That's not my story," Belinda said.

"But I've learned to ignore the noise and stay true to myself."

Belinda says that connecting with others like her has been powerful.

"Finding other demisexuals is like discovering an exclusive club," she said. "Suddenly, I don't feel so weird. We share memes, stories, and reassurance that, yes, what we experience is valid and normal.

"Identifying as demisexual has made me less desperate and more selective. Like I've got standards, and I'm proud of that! Knowing myself better means healthier relationships and fewer disappointments.

"Plus, it's kind of funny knowing I operate on my own unique 'attraction algorithm.'"

Her advice to anyone who suspects they might be demisexual is to simply relax and enjoy it.

"You don't need to have it all figured out overnight. Take your time, binge some shows, read some blogs, maybe even stash away some snacks. Remember, your feelings are valid, and the best love stories often come from those who don't rush the plot."

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• 'I was exhausted by dating, so I did something I swore I'd never do.'

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Feature image: Supplied.