There’s a new breakup trend. It’s worse than ghosting.

I've officially had enough.

Every time I go through a form of heartache, breakup, rejection… my social media algorithm just knows. Working in the industry, I should know better. I should know that I'm lingering on videos titled "Why he left" or "It's not your fault", even though I don't realise I'm doing it.

Scrolling through my gloomy TikTok feed, I came across a now-deleted video of a couple — a man and a woman, sitting at a dimly lit table across from each other. He was lighting candles on a birthday cake and gazing at her. She was gleaming with happiness. It was a beautiful and intimate moment until my eyes read the text above their heads: "Because how can one so easily dispose of someone after treating them like this."

The video was posted from the woman's account and my heart broke for her.

One of the top comments on the video read: "Avoidant discards are the worst."

Watch: Relationship red flags. Post continues below.

Usually, seeing a comment like this while I'm going through some type of heartbreak would make me want to know more. If I'm in a good place mentally, that same comment would make me roll my eyes and scroll on…. This time, for the first time, that comment filled me with rage.

I, like everyone else, learnt about my attachment style in the past few years. There are three, but we all want to be a certain one (and we rarely are) — anxious, avoidant and secure.

If you're an anxious attachment type, you have a fear of rejection and abandonment in relationships.

If you're an avoidant, you withdraw from people who try to get close to you.

If you're secure, congratulations, keep doing what you're doing.

My attachment quiz results told me that I'm an avoidant.

The avoidants get a bad wrap. The thing about attachment types is that once you figure out whether you're anxious or avoidant, you should have a better understanding of how and why you act the way you do. You're also meant to use this knowledge to help move towards becoming a more secure attachment type.

The attachment styles now have grown, twisted and manifested into trends with catchier names and slightly different definitions.

Preoccupied, dismissive, fearful, insecure, disorganised and many more are all sub-attachment types from our classic three.

Now, the avoidant discard is making headlines. The avoidant discard is someone who abruptly leaves a relationship with no explanation. They simply cut off all communication from you, discarding the relationship completely.

Dating influencers and relationship coaches sink their teeth into every new term that makes the rounds on their feeds. They explain the meaning in a gentle and nuanced way that makes the viewer assured. But for the masses who are now using the term on TikTok, their explanation of the avoidant discard is largely the same: someone who simply leaves a relationship without reason.

The comments under these videos are largely from women searching for an answer to why their partner left their relationship or how to avoid being broken up with in this harmful way.

"Will the avoidant discard ever change?"

"Do they ever go back and realise how they separated and pushed their partner away?"

"But why would he immediately get into another relationship?"

"But after 23 years? And for no reason?"

None of these questions in the comments were answered or even acknowledged by the people who posted the original advice videos.

Speaking to Principle Psychologist at Enriching Lives Psychology, Carly Dober, she said that the advice given on social media platforms "can further confuse people who are trying to keep up with terms used online by diluting commonly understood terms, and can inappropriately pathologise behaviour that may have a range of causes. "

"[Avoidant discard] is absolutely not a term recognised nor used by registered mental health clinicians (or other health clinicians). This behaviour could simply be ghosting," she told Mamamia.

"Remember that dating is difficult, and you're coming across people who might be struggling with their own intimacy, physical, mental and communication issues. You can try to seek feedback and understand you might not ever get an answer to what occurred.

"I recommend that people try to engage in healthy distraction activities, and keep up their regular self-care routines like sleeping, movement, eating and hydration."

Personally, I feel grateful to have never been broken up with way because I know I'd be right there desperately typing my own comments to find some type of explanation that made sense as to why this has happened.

The constant search for a term or an understanding of why people treat us badly might help us make sense of the situation, but at the same time, it also enables that behavour.

You know who doesn't care about avoidant discards? The avoidant discards.

They get away with being able to hurt other people's feelings because of the excuse "

The termification of bad behaviour separates the person from the way they act, and if we constantly look for reasons why this has happened to us, it'll never make us feel better.

It took me a very long time to accept that the horrible people I dated weren't due to the fact that they had an attachment type that I wasn't aware of… they were just horrible people.

And in similar faith, they're not an avoidant discard, they're just a sh*tty person.

If you want more Emily Vernem, follow her on Instagram @emilyvernem.

Feature image: Canva.