If you’re constantly frustrated at your partner, it could be because they’re the 'passenger parent'.

Does your partner know what sleep tog to put on your toddler for different temperatures? Do they understand the solid food schedule? Can they navigate the morning routine without asking you 17 questions about where everything is?

If you're thinking "absolutely not," you might be dealing with what researchers call "passenger parenting" – and it very well could be the reason you're constantly feeling frustrated with your other half.

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Recent research has called out that in heterosexual relationships, where mums most often take the wheel, some dads experience a phenomenon labelled "passenger parenting".

The term was coined by Norma Barrett, a lecturer in public health at Deakin University, who found that while fathers are becoming increasingly engaged in daily family life, many still feel on the "outskirts" when it comes to actual parenting decisions.

Think of it like this: they're in the car, they're present for the journey, but they're not the one with their hands on the steering wheel making the calls about which route to take.

It often starts innocently enough. When baby arrives, it's usually mum who takes time off work and naturally becomes the go-to parent for everything – feeding schedules, sleep routines, doctor's appointments, the works.

But here's where it gets sticky: when mum returns to work, those parental responsibilities rarely shift back to create a more equal load. Even when the caring responsibilities should theoretically balance out, dads haven't had the same "hands-on tools time" to build their confidence and knowledge.

And so the pattern of passenger parenting is born.

The chicken or the egg situation.

Here's where it gets complicated: is it that the non-primary parents actually want to be passengers? Or have they been gradually skilled out of the driver's seat?

Barrett's research found that some men expressed that passenger parenting had a genuinely negative impact on their relationships. As she explains: "They are trying to be more involved in decision-making, like around caring for the baby, feeding the baby, trying to be part of it, and if struggles were arising, coming up with solutions — but not always feeling like they knew the right language or approach."

It's frustrating for everyone involved. The primary parent feels overwhelmed and resentful that they're carrying the mental load, while the passenger parent feels shut out and unsure how to step up without stepping on toes.

It's not the same as weaponised incompetence.

Before we go any further, let's clear something up: passenger parenting isn't the same thing as weaponised incompetence, though they can look pretty similar from the outside.

Weaponised incompetence is when someone's deliberately playing dumb to get out of responsibilities.

Passenger parenting, on the other hand, leaves the passenger feeling like they're just along for the ride in their own family, without much control over what's happening. The crucial difference? It's typically not coming from a place of wanting to hurt anyone or dodge responsibilities.

So what's the solution?

The fix isn't simple, but it starts with two key things: ongoing communication and — this is the hard part — the primary carer giving up some control.

Instead of operating under the assumption that "mum knows best," families need to shift to "parents know best" — meaning both parents can make decisions and handle situations in their own way, even if it's different from how the primary carer would do it.

This means resisting the urge to hover and correct when your partner puts the nappy on differently, or feeds the baby at a slightly different time, or chooses an outfit you wouldn't have picked. It means having conversations about responsibilities and expectations rather than just assuming roles will naturally evolve.

Most importantly, it means recognising that passenger parenting isn't necessarily about laziness or lack of care – it might just be about feeling locked out of a role they actually want to be more involved in.

Because at the end of the day, nobody wins when one parent is drowning in responsibility while the other feels like they're just along for the ride.

The goal isn't to have one driver and one passenger – it's to create two capable co-pilots who can both take the wheel when needed.

Feature Image: Getty.