'TikTok tells me I'm a "faded flamingo" mum. It couldn't be more accurate.'

On the most recent episode of Mamamia's parenting podcast This Glorious Mess, hosts Leigh Campbell and Tegan Natoli discuss the metaphor of the 'faded flamingo mum' currently trending on TikTok.

As explained by The Parent Pack, flamingo parents lose their bright pink colour as they put all their energy and love into raising their 'needy' babies before later regaining their pink feathers as their chicks grow up and become more independent.

Listen to this week's episode of This Glorious Mess on the faded flamingo mum. Post continues below. 

The hungry babies literally drain the parent flamingoes of all colour and I don't think there is a mum out there who can't relate to this incredible natural phenomenon.

I definitely recall losing my sense of self and 'colour' when my two boys were little, thanks to sleep deprivation and the act of breastfeeding them for months on end, while stuck at home feeling bored and isolated. 

The faded flamingo metaphor is a little like being in 'camel mode', another trending term coined by writer Kathryn Jezer-Morton to explain how intense those early days, months and years of motherhood really are.

The faded flamingo metaphor hits us knackered parents in a similar way.

As new parents, we must adjust to the often incredible and never-ending demands and needs of our kids. And in the baby or toddler 'trenches', it is especially challenging to feel like your usual 'hot pink' flamingo self because you are bone-tired and touched out. I remember it well, and while I miss those cute baby cuddles and giggles, seeing those poor faded white flamingo mums feeding their demanding squawking babies really brought it home.  

Mum to three kids under six, Tegan, relates heartily to the poignant metaphor of becoming drained and faded by the act of parenting little kids.

"I was faded for a solid four years when in the trenches of parenting," Tegan tells her co-host Leigh Campbell.

"I felt like once I had like an element of independence come back a little... some of my feathers came back but they're still not fully pink yet! We've discussed the mental load many times on this podcast but you know parenting is relentless, whether you've got one, or two or 10 kids - and whether they're age three or 15 - it's just a non-stop job."

While we human parents can feel like a faded flamingo for years, thanks to the ever-changing demands of parenting, the real flamingoes get their colour back much sooner. 

The transfer of the pink colour from a parent to child flamingo occurs because the parents feed their young a reddish secretion known as 'crop milk', which according to The Scientific American, comes from their upper digestive tract. 

As the babies get stronger and go from fluffy grey to pink thanks to their parents' nourishing milk, mum and dad lose their pigmentation, often turning pale pink or even white before regaining colour as their babies become more independent.

@theparentpackteam 💕To all the mummies out there.💕 Did you know that flamingo mothers lose their beautiful pink colour as they raise their babies due to all the love and energy they put into caring for their little ones. They become less and less pink as they care for their young.🥹 I found this so poignant. As human mummies, especially when our kids are tiny, it can feel like we are losing our colour too. Our vibrant colours begin to fade as we morph into a very fulfilled but slightly less sparkly version of our old selves. We love being a parent, but every now and then we miss who we were. The gorgeous thing about the flamingo is that, as her babies become less needy and her energy restores, her beautiful pink colour comes back. Thankfully, so will ours. We’ll get our pink back ladies!💪🏻 #mumsoftiktok #mumlife #mums #parentsoftiktok #parenting #getyourpinkback ♬ Epic Music(863502) - Draganov89

Leigh believes she has been different versions of a faded flamingo over her four years as a parent and that, unlike a real flamingo, the 'fading' was not just during the little baby phase.

"When I was a couple of weeks postpartum doctors diagnosed me with what was called 'adjustment disorder'," the mum of one tells Tegan.

"I was definitely a faded flamingo then because my life and my sense of self were so different to my pre-baby life. But now with my four-year-old, I just feel exhausted. Yes, I've definitely got my independence back, I've got a great partner. We encourage each other to go and do other things and one child is relatively manageable, but when you add in work, a busy life, elderly parents and things like 'not yet checking in on that friend that just had a premature baby' load; I just feel exhausted and faded like a flamingo all over again."

While Leigh says she hasn't quite worked out how to manage her longer-term faded flamingo exhaustion, she says that she can feel some colour returning.

"I can do a night in a hotel but it is just a quick fix band-aid over some really big cracks.

"I don't know the long-term answer to getting your colour back particularly when you're in the depths of parenting. But it is not all bad. I feel like maybe I'm quite pink now - not hot pink yet - but not all white feathers either!"

Like Tegan and Leigh, I am in a similar position in that while I don't think I will ever fully return to the hot-pink-coloured pre-baby 'flamingo' of my twenties, I don't actually think that is a bad thing. 

I am no longer in the baby trenches or in deepest 'camel mode' and I have a lot more freedom and time to myself than I did with babies and toddlers. 

I sleep more and don't have to worry as intensely when they are sick. We can all go out to dinner without high anxiety that someone will lose their s**t. My kids are interesting little people who, while not perfect, can hold a conversation and make me laugh. 

My sense of self and who I am has been reborn now that I am 'me' again after the intense early days of motherhood, but I am also a new me that includes my role as a mum.

Having kids changes you and, as Leigh points out, the exhaustion that comes with getting older AND parenting doesn't miraculously disappear because your kids are older. We might relate to being faded flamingoes but we are not them.

They might return to their pre-fluffy-chick phase hot pink colour but I think I will forever remain in mid-rose pink territory and honestly, that's fine with me. 

Laura Jackel is Mamamia's Senior Lifestyle Family Writer. For links to her articles and to see photos of her outfits and kids, follow her on Instagram and TikTok.

Feature Image: TikTok @theparentingpack /Canva