The reality of 'restful' weekends when you’re a parent.

Every Thursday evening after my husband and I finish an episode of our latest binge watch, we whip out our phones and synchronise plans for the weekend.

Sadly, it's not your 'go for margaritas and party' type plans, rather it is a logistical distribution of the weekend's tasks and a chat about who needs to be where and when.

Why? Well, because we have kids. Two very lovely ones in fact. 

But before signing up to parenthood, I had given very little thought to just how BUSY my life and specifically weekends would become as my boys grew up. 

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Before kids; weekends were about brunching, exercise, seeing friends, taking time to do house chores as a couple and simply resting. Then when our first born came along, our weekend schedule of activities slowed right down. 

Gone were the busy days and nights out, instead we focused on nights in and plenty of time hanging out at home. 

There were coffees at the park followed by long walks at the beach to get the babies to nap. Those sleep deprived and unstructured weekends with babies and little kids could be very sweet, but they often felt long and lonely. 

Over time, I made friends with other new parents, and family weekends improved. 

I would try to factor in low key outings where us grown-ups might exchange a few words and get a caffeine fix amidst the soft play chaos. My husband Jules and I also began taking it in turns to escape the house to do things for ourselves like exercise and occasionally we would escape together if we could organise a babysitter. 

It has only been in the last 12 months, with both boys at school and our post-COVID life returned, that I am coming to terms with just how busy our weekends are in this phase of parenting. My head is constantly spinning, and it's not just about how it affects me, but the boys too.

While busy doesn't always mean bad, I don't love all the planning and rushing around that happens once we clock off from work on Fridays at 5pm.

It starts with the Friday night sport followed swiftly by the Saturday morning sport, that will soon involve both boys who will need to be in different places at once. I am grateful my sons don't (currently) play for rep teams, as I know parents who spend their entire weekend ferrying their kids to games and matches hours away from home. 

Growing up as a non-sporty kid in the UK, this was all new to me as a mum of two sport mad kids down under. There are many great things about community sport in Australia, but the weekend and weeknight commitments take away a lot of time for our kids to just play or hang out with siblings and family. 

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With sporting matches done, the rest of our weekends are often filled with playdates to organise and kids' parties to attend. 

Kids' social events also include time to shop for party gifts that may or may not include standing in line at Kmart for longer than I would like on a Saturday afternoon.

With our eldest son, we also have the occasional sleepover to contend with. On the one hand, sleepovers are great because it means he gets a night away with friends, but then he returns to us the next day in despair after only getting three hours sleep and eating half a bucket of Skittles for breakfast.

Now the same son is at high school, homework or school projects are a more important part of the weekend routine and they must happen, with some minor parental persuasion, before Monday morning hits.

There's also the exercise us parents try to fit in on top of all the washing, grocery shopping, and cleaning up.

Before you know it, Sunday night arrives and we are gearing up once again for the week ahead wondering what the f**k just happened.

Two Sundays ago we had three parties in one day that began at 10am in an indoor soft play space and ended at 7pm at the pub. Individually, each event was perfectly lovely and important in their own way, but by the time bedtime came around, we were all truly knackered.

As we all return to a post-COVID normality after multiple missed milestones, the delayed events and fun times I desperately missed, are back in a big way - making me wish for a happy medium in between being locked down in our homes and this crazy, busy 'normal'.

Of course, my weekends can be a lot of fun too and we try to squeeze in family activities (on the weekends without all the kids' parties), dinner at the local pub, or a catch up with our mates where possible. 

But what's often missing is the rest factor. 

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The idea that as kids get older, parenting and family life becomes easier, is something I clung onto when I was in the weeds of mothering in the early years.

While I am now fully replenished in the sleep department and the wild days of toddler tantrums are behind me, the quiet time I used to get when the boys napped or went to bed at 7pm has been replaced by the logistical demands of managing four individuals with hobbies, educational needs, and busy social diaries.

It's not harder, it's just different and I am perhaps older, busier with work during the week, and thus more tired when the weekend finally hits? 

While my husband and I might need to keep synchronising our weekend diaries for some time yet, I must also admit, it's me, hi, I am (part of) the problem, it's me - and learn to be better at saying 'no'. Or at least factoring in some downtime each weekend so that we can all get a couple of hours of rest. 

I'll just have to organise some time to make it happen.

Laura Jackel is Mamamia's Parenting Writer. For her weekly articles and to see photos of her outfits and kids, follow her on Instagram and TikTok.

Feature Image: Supplied.

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