'My friend told me that she wanted to marry "rich". I immediately regretted my response.'

Last weekend, I was having drinks with my friends when the conversation turned to our futures. After a few glasses of wine and some giggles, my friend Casey* lowered her voice and said, "I know this will make me sound like an anti-feminist, but I honestly just want to marry a rich person and be a stay-at-home wife."

For a notable beat, the table went quiet.

Then came the reactions — some understanding nods, others taken by surprise, and one friend (*cough, cough— me) immediately launched into a lecture about how women fought for decades so we wouldn't have to depend on men (blah, blah, blah).

It was my sad attempt at an off-handed sarcastic reply that just came across as super mean. Casey looked down at her glass, clearly regretting her moment of honesty.

I felt horrible.

Watch: If a man lived like a woman for a day. Post continues below.

The thing is, Casey was one of the many women in my life who inspired me to want to build a career. She works in the corporate sector and hustled her way into lavish European holidays, investment properties and many promotions.

Hearing her speak about a future that was so drastically different from her present confused the hell out of me.

When I got home, after internally analysing why my immediate reaction to her statement was to be a straight up b*tch, I realised that it was coming from a place of bitterness. Casey wanted a future that I thought we weren't allowed to want.

It got me thinking about how we've (I've) somehow twisted feminism into this bizarre pretzel where certain choices are deemed more "feminist" than others, like there's some sort of feminist scorecard, where working 60-hour weeks gets you more points than managing a household.

I forgot that feminism was never about forcing women to work themselves to exhaustion or shaming them for wanting a particular lifestyle. It was (and is) about having the freedom to choose. And yes, that includes choosing to marry a "rich" person (if that's what you want).

In our current economic climate, where a punnet of blueberries costs roughly the same as a small car and the housing market is absolutely cooked, the desire for financial security isn't anti-feminist — it's completely rational. Some might even argue that it's strategic thinking.

But there's this peculiar guilt that comes with admitting you'd like a financially comfortable life, especially if you're hoping to achieve it through marriage. We've been conditioned to believe that wanting this somehow betrays the feminist cause, as if every woman needs to be her own girlboss to prove her worth.

Here's the thing: you can absolutely be a feminist and want to marry a rich person. It took me a while to realise it and resulted in a big apology to Casey.

You can be a feminist and dream of being a stay-at-home wife. You can be a feminist and want to be CEO. You can be a feminist and want none of these things. You can be a feminist and change your mind about what you want 27 times before breakfast.

The key is recognising that feminism isn't about what choices you make — it's about having the right to make those choices freely, without judgment or pressure from society. It's about supporting other women's choices, even when they're different from our own.

Before copping the brunt of my brutal reply, Casey herself voiced the same misinformed statement from her original comment: "I know this will make me sound like an anti-feminist." It speaks volumes about the shame we've attached to certain aspirations, particularly those that might appear traditionally feminine.

And in Casey's case, the pressure of having a different future than the one she wants would be immense. I know, because the future that I want for myself looks a lot like Casey's present now.

I now know that instead of immediately judging her, I should've questioned why we've created this hierarchy of "acceptable" feminist goals.

Feminism is about having the freedom to choose your path — whether that leads to the corporate ladder, the home, or anywhere in between, the most feminist thing you can do is make that choice for yourself.

And the whole point of feminism is that women shouldn't have to justify their choices to anyone.

*Name changed for privacy.

If you want more from Emily Vernem, you can follow her on Instagram @emilyvernem.

Feature image: Canva.