"I didn't go to see my best friend in hospital after she gave birth."

And for these two friends, it hasn’t ended well.

A few weeks ago, my best friend gave birth to her first child. And as my closest friend, I was there by her side through her pregnancy.

I was one of the first people she told (even before the three month mark). I organised her baby shower. I listened to her talk about her worries, concerns and fears. I supported her in every way that I could, right up until she gave birth.

When she went into labour she sent me a text message to let me know. She comes from a fairly large family so I know things would have been frantic.

Trying to handle a newborn in those first few hours and having visitors rushing in and out can be madness. I imagine it would also be very draining. I’m not trying to make the situation about me, I completely get it.

But when I rang my friend telling her I’d be visiting, I was completely disheartened over how she reacted.

There wasn’t much chit-chat, she actually seemed very desperate to get me off the phone. I told her I wanted to come see her on a Friday afternoon. She had given birth the day before and had been instructed by nurses that she would probably be out by the Sunday.

Sounding flustered, she agreed and I just put it down to all of the craziness she had going on around her. I had a giant hamper of baby products and clothes ready to go. That night, a Thursday, I went online and ordered a gorgeous cupcake bouquet to take with me as well.

I arranged to leave work early so I could go and see her. Half an hour before I was supposed to leave, I get a phone call from my friend’s husband.

He tells me that his wife is really stressed out because she was having issues breastfeeding and the midwife was in trying to help. He explained that it took longer than they expected and that both her and the baby were very tired. He asked me not to come so they could have a rest.

I was both a bit upset and disappointed. Particularly because I wanted to see my friend and her new little bundle.

But I told him it was fine and that I would arrange another time to come. It frustrated me even more because I’m sure they still would have had visitors turning up unannounced, as a lot of family often do.

So I didn’t see the issue in having just one extra person there. Especially when I would have only been there for a very short time. I also found it very rude that she didn't take the time to call me herself, instead, instructing her husband to do it. I’m not an unreasonable friend. I actually like to think I’m very understanding. But I found the whole situation very irritating.

I didn’t bother going to see my friend in hospital after that. I didn’t feel like I really wanted to and I was still a bit angry. So a few days later I rang her and told her I would visit her at home.

I took the hamper. I threw out the cupcakes I had ordered. And when I got to her door and sat down inside her living room, she was incredibly cold.

She went on and on about how she had so many visitors and how even family from interstate had travelled to come see her. I felt like this was an underhand jab at me for not going.

She told me that she had expected me to come, given that she was in hospital over the weekend. She told me she thought I would have had time. Before I even had a chance to say anything, she brushed over it and started talking about something else.

I don’t know if I should confront her about it and tell her that her and her husband are actually in the wrong. Or maybe I should just let it go, like water under the bridge. I know it sounds stupid and something that I should forget about but every time I think about it I can help but get frustrated and annoyed.

What would you do if you were in this situation? Have you visited all of your friends in hospital after they gave birth?

If, like this reader, you have a dilemma that you would like advice about, please email info@themotherish.com with Don’t Judge Me in the subject field. You will be contacted before publication, and your identity will be protected.

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