'I'm happily married and think celebrating Valentine's Day is cringe. Here are my 7 reasons why.'

An article by relationship expert Dee Tozer suggests that couples who don't celebrate Valentine's Day are more likely to be in an unhappy marriage.

As someone who has been married for 20 years, I'm sorry, but say what now?

According to Dee's data, of the 5,000+ unhappy couples she has worked with, she says that 'almost 100 per cent' did not celebrate, or even acknowledge Valentine's Day.

I think the key takeaway from the data is the term 'unhappy couples'. They were ALREADY unhappy, and I doubt a lack of gifting on Valentine's Day was the primary issue.

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Sarcasm aside, I understand what Dee is saying.

Long-term relationships can be wonderful, but they are also hard work and I can totally relate after being with my husband Jules for 20 years. Sometimes relationships run their course and end — and that's okay too.

But whether your current relationship is good or just okay, I disagree with expert Dee and believe that celebrating Valentine's Day is essentially irrelevant.

And these are my seven reasons why:

1. I don't care for traditions.

The tradition of celebrating romantic love on Valentine's Day might date back to fifth century Roman times, but so do gladiatorial tiger fights. And child slavery.

Just because something is traditional or old, sure doesn't make it right.

2. It's cringe.

I remember sending a homemade card to a primary school boy and signing off from a 'secret admirer' and that was cute. But I was nine. NINE.

I may have even made Jules a card when we started dating. I think that turned into a shop-bought card for a few years, then somewhere along the way, we both just kind of stopped.

I'm certain you can get lovely jewellery and gifts for Valentine's Day now, but the plethora of teddies holding hearts currently on sale at the local servo and supermarkets, kind of turns me off.

And honestly, what long-term couple really wants to dine out in a restaurant full of teenage lovers pashing over some overpriced bruschetta? I mean, maybe for the laughs, but I think I'll take another night, thanks.

3. It's expensive.

And what about the cost?

I love a bunch of flowers as a gift, but buying roses on Valentine's Day is not a smart financial decision.

Like Miley Cyrus, I prefer to buy myself flowers at the weekend markets when I see a bunch I like — not because of a random date in the diary.

4. It's impersonal.

I might not write Valentine's Day cards anymore, but that doesn't mean I am saying 'no' to romance. Romance, kindness and remembering each other's special days are all important.

After 20 years of navigating married life, I prefer to give or receive a personal card on a birthday, or go out for a fancy meal to celebrate our anniversary. The dates are personal to us, and we can chat about our own journey to that point in life, reminiscing about how damn young we were two decades ago (without having to feel super old next to all those teenage lovebirds!).

It's also heaps cheaper.

5. It's once a year.

Why limit yourself to one night of the year, when you can celebrate love — or even just enjoy chatting about work over schnitzel night at the local pub — much more frequently?! We love a regular date night to catch up without the kids, and it's not always about the dinners.

Currently, we opt for regular bush walks, gym visits and okay, cocktails. Not every date is perfect, and sometimes we give it a miss in favour of seeing friends, but this is one area of married life where I believe in quantity over quality.

6. It's too earnest.

Okay, this is a stretch, but for anyone in a long-term relationship, you will understand the importance of humour and having a good old belly laugh with your partner.

Celebrating Valentine's Day as an over-40s couple just feels... weird. Too earnest, maybe?

It's all fine in your loved-up youth, when you haven't been through the many absurdities of real life, but once you have lived a bit, Valentine's Day seems redundant.

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7. It doesn't replace everyday acts of kindness.

Valentine's Day, with all its hearts and roses and flowers, is all about the grand gestures. But what about the everyday acts of kindness and care that are less grand and more just, helpful? Roses are nice, but when Jules brings me home a fresh barista coffee after his morning surf? That's a true gift.

Likewise, taking it in turns to do bedtime; telling your partner to go out and have fun with mates; putting a load of washing away; rubbing your partners back after a s**t day; running a bath for them; listening to their work stories — these are the real gifts.

These thoughtful everyday behaviours don't replace romantic or intimate time together, but small acts of kindness are surely more important for long-term happiness than that annual random teddy from the servo.

If you still love to love Valentine's Day, then absolutely go for it, buy that teddy and snog your loved one over bruschetta. For everyone else who plans to spend the evening at home streaming something on Netflix with your family in your PJs? I see you. In fact, I am you.

Happy Valentine's Day! 

This article was originally published in February 2023 and has since been updated.

Feature Image: Supplied.